


The Dark Side| Ben Solo/Kylo Ren x Reader

by ShesJustAnotherGeek



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Belonging, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Luke Skywalker, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Light Angst, Light Side Ben Solo, Light Smut, Lightsaber Battles, Lightsabers, Loss of Control, Loss of Identity, Loss of Virginity, Minor Character Death, Minor Leia Organa/Han Solo, Original Character(s), Parents Han and Leia, Past Leia Organa/Han Solo, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Pre-Canon, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Ben Solo, Reader-Insert, Sad Luke, Sad and Happy, Snoke Being a Dick, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars References, Star Wars fanfic, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Dark Side of the Force, The First Order Sucks, The Force, Threats of Violence, Violence, Virgin Ben Solo, Wars, Young Ben Solo, Young Love, y/n, you - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24532879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShesJustAnotherGeek/pseuds/ShesJustAnotherGeek
Summary: With guidance from Master Luke Skywalker, Ben Solo and you train to become part of the new order of Jedi. In this novel, we see a coming of age story filled with love, hatred, friendship, and betrayal. Finding a place in the vast universe and protecting the people you love in it, becomes more difficult than just The Light and Dark you've been taught.Light teenage smutI DO NOT OWN any of the characters that are in the Star Wars Franchise.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/You, Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. A New Begining

Tests never get easier as you grow up. As soon as you master something they throw another subject at you to forget how much you've accomplished beforehand. You try your best to listen to Master Skywalker, pulling the cloth back over your eyes. Calming yourself you go back to a power stance. You let your energy sense everything around you, the grass beneath your shoes, the wind dancing through your hair, and feel it. The object is right there, to the left. Before it fires you turn on the blue Lightsaber blocking the attack. Now to your right leg, block, to the back, block. Each time the ball flies it gets faster with the laser. So fast until you can't truly sense it, it fires and you dodge the laser, barely missing your shoulder. You start to get more heated and a sheen of sweat starts forming at the edge of your hair-line.

"Calm yourself," Master Skywalker says. "Feel it. Feel The Force around you, it flows through you and the practice droid."

"I know, Master." In saying that you lose your concentration on the annoying practice ball and it fires, stinging your right shin.

"Pick yourself up, you can do this," Master says, even more, calm than you are. You can do this. If anyone can do it you can. You get back into the motion of the droid, fire, block, fire, dodge, over and over again. You feel a tingle on the back of your neck.

"Stop that," you demand, fire and block. "Master stop it! You're breaking my concentration." You feel a sudden stinging in your left hand.

Shit, that one's going to leave a mark.

The tingling continues. In one fluid motion, you slice through the leaf and the droid. The momentum of the swing causes you to fall on your knees. Taking off the blindfold you turn to where Master would be.

"That's the second one you broke this week," your friend says smirking down at you while offering his hand.

Taking his hand you retort, "Well maybe you shouldn't get a leaf and harass me with it when I'm training. Have you ever thought of that, Ben Solo?" He rolls his eyes and pats you on the shoulder. He really knows how to push your buttons.

"You were doing good," our Master says, "you cannot let simple distractions like this ruin your concentration." Oh, here he goes again. It's the third time this week he has given the same lecture.

"Master Skywalker, I am trying my best to get better and not let little annoyances," you move to look at Ben as your eyes turn to slit, "get the better of me."

"My old master once told me 'Do or do not, there is no try'," you groan internally. "At the time I did not understand how we could put those words into practice, because all we do is try, but you will come to learn, my young apprentice, what that means," he pauses clasping his robotic hand together with the other, "now go to the training course and Ben will help you from there."

The training course has always been a favorite part of your daily routine, it's the only time you get to spend with Ben alone and not have to worry about Master Skywalker's suspicions on your friendship. He always reminds us Jedi cannot form attachments to the secular world. You all know this too well, that was what made Darth Vader corrupt along with the fear of what would happen to the one he loved.

"You ready yet?" Ben asks with much excitement laced in his voice.

"I was born ready," you say with a bright smirk on your face.

"That's my girl," he always says things like that, 'My girl'. Each time Ben says that it always stirs something inside you. "I'll give you a head start so that you actually get a chance at beating me."

It's the excitement of the moment that makes you feel that way, you're sure of it. As you swallow the spit pooling in your mouth you tighten your shoelaces, pulling your hair back and get in your starting position.

"Cocky as ever, I'm glad, you'll need your pride after I destroy you on this course."

"We'll see," he says tilting his head up and begins running. You quickly follow in pursuit of him.

"Hey, I thought you were giving me a head start?" You say in between the steady flow of breaths.

Smirking he says, "I changed my mind, can't go too easy on you, you'll get lazy." Your mouth drops open,

"Lazy? You mean like you!" You pump your arms faster and faster getting a body length ahead of him. You hear the sound of the water before you know it, you're jumping from rock to rock over the white rapids. You quickly turn your head around to get a peek of Ben. He's not there. You start to slow down and take a longer look and without any warning you see him flying through the air doing a flip over your head to get in front of you. "Hey! That's cheating!" You go back to jumping from rock to rock trying not to get caught in the water. He lands on the other side of the river, turning around to face you.

"It's only cheating if you get caught," he quickly turns back around running into the thick of trees.

"Well, you're caught," you snip back. There's no way you're letting him win, he has already beat you four times just this week. With only a few rocks to go, you decide to use The Force and jump the rest of the way saving time to can catch up with him. Back on solid ground, sprinting, you start to see the back of Ben. "If he can cheat so can I," you whisper to yourself. Pulling your Lightsaber out of your belt, you turn it on and throw. It spins in a circle and slices through a tall tree falling right in front of Ben's path. You extend your fingers out, having the Saber come and you hook it back all while sprinting.

"You could have killed me," Ben exclaims as you jump over the tree getting in front of him.

"Oh well, as long as I win," you twirl your head and flash him a cheeky smile. The next part of the course is two single logs placed over a ravine. You stop just for a second to muster up the courage as you put a fast, shaky leg on the dead tree. This part of the course always scares you the most. You can handle the raging white rapids and the possibility of falling and breaking your legs while running in the forest, but not the thought of falling to death. No matter what, like Master Skywalker says you cannot let the fear take control. Your sprint becomes a fast-paced waddle, putting one foot exactly in front of the other, crack, snap. Your eyes grow as wide as rationed portions.

This is the day all of it ends.

You were never able to become a Jedi Master as Ben had dreamed for us. Just before the log snaps, you take one last look at your life long friend as your dry lips part. Finally, feeling the tree beneath you fully snap.

Everything seems to go in slow motion when you're about to die. You'd think that it would be scary or frightening about what is to come, but no. You feel at peace, like a warm blanket of calm wrapped around your flying body. Of course, it is sad that you'll no longer see your friends, master, and sister. You don't know why of all the times it's this one that the training course log decides to break now.

"Now is not your time, use the force." That voice... it sounds so... Like a voice you've heard in a dream, but before you get a chance to understand who this voice is everything suddenly stops. You're not able to move and you feel as if the world is going in reverse. You can do nothing but let it happen. You close your eyes and once they open, you're in the arms of Ben on the other side of the ravine.

"Are you all right? Why didn't you save yourself?" You don't answer, still trying to grasp what all has happened.

Who was that voice?

Do you know them?

How did they get inside of your head?

"Answer me now," Ben pleads while shaking you back into the real world.

"I- I don't know." Your eyes dart across Ben's soft face, his tan cheek freckles, his elongated nose, his pouting wet lips. "Did you hear that voice too?" He looks down at you quizzically as if you're a puzzle he has yet to solve.

"No, I only heard the log breaking and nothing else," he takes a shaky breath in, "why didn't you jump from that log?" You do not know why you did what you did. You don't know what you felt. You do not understand anything about what just happened. "We'll talk about that later. I'm so glad you're okay," he says pulling you to his chest, "Let's get out of here."

"I won though, right?" I jokingly say as he helps you up on trembling legs. Ben just chuckles and shakes his head as he takes you away from the near-death experience. With each breath, you exhale feeling the adrenaline slowly leave your limbs. His hands guide you down to your bed as he plops on the edge. You're lucky enough to have a cottage for yourself. Ben takes a deep sigh in and lets it out.

"Why didn't you jump?" You scrunch your brow together.

"I'm not sure. It just didn't feel like that was what the right choice was." Trying to get the event from your mind you rub the back of your neck.

"You're seriously using that as an excuse? You almost died! I almost saw you die right in front of me, and you didn't do anything to help!" Ben says, his voice slowly becoming angrier with each word.

"I'm not sure how you want me to respond to that. I really don't want to argue." He abruptly gets up from the cot leaving a warm spot from where he once was.

"You don't want to argue-oh you don't want to argue! You almost died! I almost lost my closest ally." Ben huffs and runs his fingers through his long dark hair, "I can't lose you! I just can't. I don't know what I'd do without you here with me." Each word he says he sounds even more defeated than the last, it breaks your heart to see him like this. He's always so strong and confident, you can't believe he's been hurt like this. You get up off the bed and walk towards him, as a pain in your chest grows deeper.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Ben, look at me please," you grab his downcast face to look at your serious one, "I will never leave you. No matter what happens, I promise you I will fight to stay with you, no matter what." You let go of his face, embracing his enormous torso. You have no idea where that confession came from, the words just seemed to pour through your mouth without a filter.

"There's something you need to know, I've been having dreams lately where-" before Ben can finish his thought the door to the shack swings open showing a worried little girl. Cass, your younger sister. Quickly letting go of each other Cass looks at Ben accusingly.

"You're supposed to protect her, Mr. Solo. How could you let something like this happen to her? You're lucky Solo that your Uncle is the Jedi Master in charge here or I would-," you cut her off before she begins to get herself in trouble with Master Skywalker.

"How did you find out about this so soon?"

"Are you kidding me? Lina went to go on the course and saw the log broken and you in Ben's arms! That brings another question, Ben Solo," you put your face into your palms, "why was my sister in your arms? You cannot touch it! Don't you for one second think that I can't see through your intentions. You're lucky that I don't go now to Master Luke and tell him how you almost killed the best apprentice here!" Your cheeks grow hot with each sentence she blurts.

"Why I would never touch your sister now would I youngling?" You roll your eyes at Ben's antics to calm your sister down. He picks her up and plops her on his shoulders carrying her out to the sunlight. Ben puts her down on the soft green grass and pulls something out of his pocket. "Now you see this, it's a Kyber Crystal. I've saved this to give to a special person, as you know Kyber Crystals are used for Light Sabers." She looks at it with wonder as you sigh.

"I've never seen one in person, only in books and texts Master Luke has shown us." Looking at the crystal you realize that it's not a Kyber, it's just a piece of Quarts you can find anywhere on this planet.

"Well, if you're a good youngling and don't tell Master Luke this could be your very own." Ben looks back at you out of the corner of his eye, you spot a mischievous glint in it.

"I guess Master Luke wouldn't be too happy if he found out what happened to her, and he'd probably be in a bad mood for the rest of us," she looks at you and you give her a nod. "I'll take it," Cass quickly snatches the Kyber Crystal out of Ben's hand and walks away admiring it. You turn to look at a satisfied Solo with his arms crossed. You walk towards him.

"You really are a Solo. A swindler, just like your Father." He turns, looking at you with his deep eyes and smiling wide.

"I know."


	2. Visions

The star gradually sets over the isle as you stroll to the rim of the chasm on the training course. You squat down, letting your feet hang, you tuck your fists in your lap. It looked as if all went on calmly, like something or someone slowed downtime, but the sun was nevertheless continuing the same pace. You could caress the air violently whipping your hair around as you were descending, but yet life quieted. How could that have happened? Are you going mad? You’ll meet with Master Luke in the dawn about your strife. He’ll realize what it means. A hand places itself on your shoulder, surprising you. You employ your hand moving it off the ground to twirl. You drive your limbs out, hammering the unidentified body to their knees. They land on the dirt with a resounding ‘oof’.

“Oh, crap, Ben. You spooked me there, pal.” You present your palm out to him, he accepts it and dusts off his garments. “You realize, for a pal of yours you almost murder me a bunch.”

Shaking your skull at him, you reply, “I did not almost murder you. I have no _idea_ what you’re talking about." You raise your eyebrows and smile sarcastically. He crosses his arms.

“Uh-huh, yeah sure,” Ben unfolds his arms, “why are you here at the course? I’d think if I had a near-death experience I would not want to go back to the place it happened.” He takes your hand and slowly walks towards the cottages.

Sighing, you answer, “I’m not certain, maybe just crazy? They have known me to act that way from time to time.” You both chuckle, “I’ve missed times like these. It seems each day that goes by we spend fewer moments together.” You see Ben tense up and turn to confront him. “What’s wrong?” He doesn’t answer. “What is wrong,” you declare more pressingly than before.

Ben stops in his tracks and swiftly brings his face up, “Someone is watching us.” He squeezes your grip tighter and starts pulling towards the left. You struggle to see if you can sense the character he is speaking about, but sense nothing. He’s dragging too fast, there’s too much Force flowing through everything. You can’t tell which is a plant, animal, or person. Ben’s running gets more hurried and rigid. You don’t know who or what he sensed but if he’s this worried about it you have to believe him. Trees and tall bushes smack over your arms and cheeks, using your free fist you struggle to block the stinging plants. Sticks snap beneath our shoes, Ben’s long strides are hard to keep up with, and eventually, you must jump to match his. Suddenly, a fallen tree branch catches your foot and fall, tumbling down to your chest. Ben turns around to pick you up, “Come on, they’re following us. I can feel it.” You get back up on your feet again and now Ben is practically dragging you across the forest floor. You get brown sticks and mud all over your cream robes.

“Ben, slow down! I can’t keep up.” With no warning, Ben drops your hand and scoops your petite body in his arms, never slowing down his pace. As you jiggle from his strides you peer up at his concentrated face. He's so beautiful. His hair sticks to his forehead as sweat glistens, giving him an ethereal glow. His scarlet red lips purse from the strain of your weight. The urge to stroke your fingers through his hair nearly takes control as a hard stomp to the dirt breaks the intense stare. “Why are we running? Who are we running from?” He doesn’t reply and just keeps moving fast with heavy breathing. Finally, coming to a very wide tree he drops you down and pulls an unseen handle. “Ben, what the...?” He shoves you in. “Ben Solo, where are we?”

Looking around the small area you see a dimly lit room, having only one oil lantern as a light source. It looks like an ancient relic built for a hermit, maybe from the Clone Wars Master Luke has taught you about. Beside the lantern, the silhouette of a tall, dark, wooden bookshelf with dozens of ancient texts peeks. Most are barely holding together, the spines are worn from centuries of usage. You hear the door quietly shut behind. You turn to Ben with your eyes wide, expecting answers. “You’ve got some explaining to do,” you announce having dealt with enough from him.

“We’re in a tree,” Ben says stating the obvious. Glaring at him, you say, “Oh, really now? I did not understand,” throwing your arms up in the air, “I couldn’t tell from the enormous tree that literally has a door we used to walk in!” You pace back and forth, “just answer me, Ben,” you demand. He walks over to the oil lantern and places it on the floor with a sigh, then taking a seat where it once was. He runs a large palm down his face, finally catching his breath as he takes a deep sigh.

“I like to come here when I want isolation, away from my Uncle, and the expectations he has of me. It’s the only place I can feel and think freely,” Ben drops his head into his hands. Exhaustion laced in his hurried breaths.

“What did you sense," you ask more mildly, softening the tone of your voice. “Something dark. It felt like it was coming for us,” Ben snaps his head, “for _me_.“ You look at him more concerned than before, “Who or what was it?” You walk towards him, getting on your knees and picking up the lantern to see his distressed face. Ben’s usually calm demeanor has completely changed. Instead of his normal straight, broad figure, he’s recoiled into himself, arms wrapped around his chest. You put a delicate hand on his shoulder, feeling his body relax slightly. “Look at me, Ben,” he turns his head slowly. His deep brown eyes connect with your serious ones. “We’ll figure this out together, okay?” Ben’s body fully turns to you and you put your free hand gently on his other shoulder. “No matter what happens to us, we’re still connected, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. No Jedi, no Sith, or powerful leader will take you. Nothing will stand in my way." It's as if another person has taken control of your tongue.

  
His trembling hand softly places itself to your pink cheek. It’s warm and slightly calloused from years of Saber dueling. “I have had visions and dreams of myself almost every day, ones that are dark and filled with hatred. I see a fire, younglings, and Jedi slaughtered. There’s blood everywhere,” his breathing becomes more ridged. “On the ground, on my clothes, my hands soaked in it. I see the back of a cloaked figure appear, holding a crimson red Light Saber shaped like a 'T'. They turn around and it’s- it’s-”, Ben abruptly removes his large fingers from your face, quickly turning his body and retches on the tightly packed earth floor. You try to hold your stomach back from expelling all of today’s food and help him back up. You wipe off the rest of the vomit on the edge of his lips. You pull his wild hair back behind his ears and take him wordlessly to the village.

You perch on a wooden stool at the edge of Ben’s cot. Your arms bent with elbows on the blankets and palms holding your head.

A crimson Lightsaber?

The Sith haven’t been around for decades after Master Luke and the Rebels wiped them out. You peek at Ben’s sleeping face. His black brows are furrowed into a thin line with sweat droplets still on his forehead. You grab the cool, damp material that you’ve been using and wipe them off. What could he be dreaming of? You put the cotton into the tan, clay pot, reaching your digits out, contemplating if you should pry into his mind. You retract your arm putting it down to the side. You shouldn’t think of such things, breaking the Jedi code, and his trust. Ben stirs in his hibernation letting out a slight whimper, his mane sticking to his forehead, you brush it off and his eyes flutter open. You remove yourself off the brown stool, working to tell Master Luke Ben’s all right, but he grabs your fist, bringing it to his breast. You set it back down, questioning him with your expression. 

You’ve never seen him so despondent, so vulnerable. It’s troubling. You grab the wet stuff again and dab his temple. Picking up the white water basin next to the dish and pour it into a metal cup.

“Here,” you support it to him, “I’m certain you’re parched.” Ben seizes it, gulping the drink down greedily. Then placing it on his nightstand, he selects a long breath in.

“I’m confident you wish an explanation for everything that has transpired over the past hours.” He uses his pale muscular loads to raise himself upright. He has no tunic on, exposing his broad trunk. Your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment from the sight of him so exposed. Not remembering taking his shirt off.

“No, no laydown, you need to settle,” you tenderly push his tail down on the soft cotton pieces. “We can talk about it some other time, we have plenty of it, but now rest.” You go to get up once more, wanting to give him the privacy of slumber.

“Don’t leave me,” Ben pleads with his desperate eyes, “I don’t wish to be alone.” A small crack forms in your heart.

You turn around back to the stool. “Okay, I’ll stay with you till the dawn.” 

He clasps his clammy palm around your dirty hands and turns his frame over. His midnight wool falls into his face, but he doesn’t show to notice. His short lashes fall with his eyelids, hopefully passing into a peaceful slumber.

The minutes pass by into the historic moments of the dawn. You have your limbs crossed laying face down on the bed, nevertheless remaining on the wooden stool as you're suddenly jolted awake. Unfolding your loads you quickly assemble up straight. The silhouette of Ben is missing from the bed, an indent of his body is still fresh with warmth. You look around the darkroom, the candles all burnt down to the bottom of each wick. The dirty rug on the floor barely noticeable in the shadows. The only source of light is the stars and moon shining through the windows. While walking towards the front door you hear faint whispers of two people. You press your ear to the wooden door, straining to hear what they say.

“What have you been doing to my thoughts,” a frightened male voice asks accusingly. It’s Ben. You jerk away from the door astonished.

Who is he talking to?

You silence your breathing.

“I have done nothing, your thoughts are your own. Why would you accuse me of your darkness? What you think and what you feel are your own. The Dark Side was already born inside you, young Solo,” the other man says. His voice is deep, almost ancient-sounding, from years of usage, but still smooth and softly booming. You sense Ben stiffen through the door.

“Why have you come here?”

“To warn you, as a friend” the old man takes a raspy breath, “we cannot trust your Master. He senses the rising power in you and wants to kill it.” 

What? 

Lips parting you release a silent gasp. Master Skywalker would never kill his Jedi, let alone his own nephew.

“You lie,” Ben exclaims. “I’m done listening to this,” he says. A sudden urger overcomes you, grabbing the silver and black handle of your Lightsaber. Taking it off the belt as it buzzes to life. You kick open the door ready for whatever shows itself, but there is nothing here. Only a surprised Ben. You glare at the direction you heard the voice, pointing the blue Saber at it and flaring your nostrils. You walk towards the area, seeing if you can spot the owner of the mysterious voice. Turning to face Ben, you put your back to the twilight.

“Who was that?” You point your lightsaber at him, illuminating his sharp features while demanding, “Who the Hell was that!” Gritting your teeth, not loosening your stance. An icy coolness slithers through your spine. Someone is...

You turn, suddenly frozen in place, seeing an outstretched, wrinkly hand draped in charcoal robes as all the stars and moon disappear. 

The sounds of chirping birds drill a hole through your skull. You cover your face with your forearm, blocking the sunlight blaring through the windows. What happened last night?

You remember running from something or someone in the woods. The house within the tree and helping Ben back to his hut after having vomited. You remember how desperate he was for companionship, but nothing more.

You can feel this empty cavern inside your head, a heavy mist surrounding it. It wants exploration, but there are fallen rocks in front of it, blocking the path. You try pulling the obstruction away from the entrance. The pads of your fingers becoming raw from the grey rocks rough surfaces. You hear the door to the cottage creak open and suddenly you're transported back to the room. Somehow out of my bed you turn to see Master Luke in the entryway.

He looks at me puzzled, “You look terrible.” You roll your eyes jutting your right hip out.

“Good morning to you too, Master.” He chuckles, his chest bouncing up and down.

"You weren’t at breakfast this morning.” You go towards the glass window and look at the sun, sure enough, it’s midday. You cast down your gaze, not wanting him to see the embarrassment on your face.

“I apologize, Master Skywalker. It won’t happen again.” You drag your sandals across the earth floor over to the trunk of garments with your Lightsaber leaning against the side. “I’ll start getting ready now.”

“Be quick,” and with a swish of his brown cape, he exits.

You step out of the hut and survey the island. The Jedi temple to the left and the dining area to the right. No one is in the dining house. You walk to have a quick bite. As you stroll in you spot all the ceramic plates left by the Younglings and Padawans on the smooth metal tables. Into the kitchen, you open a metal cupboard for a teal nutrition disc, closing the small door with a 'thud'.

As you rip the packet, you're unexpectedly surrounded by a heavy fog. People in black surround you. They all have weapons of some sort. You reach for the Lightsaber, but it’s no longer there, somehow magically vanishing from your belt.

The black figures start menacingly walking closer, pinning you in the center of their death circle. Having no weapon to defend you, you take quick breaths, feeling fear bubble up inside. You frantically look around for any means of escape, any weak points in their formation, but there is none. They’re all professionally together, unwavering in their steps. You have no choice but to fight. Six to one. Not very good odds. Your fingers extend out. The being to the left blaster flies off of their belt and into your hands. You quickly roll forwards, shooting the figure in the stomach. They double over, cradling their wound. Before they can regroup you bring your leg up and kick them in the helmet, knocking the body down. Dropping the blaster, you get the wide, dusty sword they once had, and turn back around, facing the other five. There are too many for you alone to handle.

With no more thought, you dash into the void of fog, dropping the sword.

You force your legs to go faster, pumping your arms along with it. _Run, run, run._ Never stopping for a second glance. You keep sprinting into the unknown when suddenly you're back where you were. Right in front of the beings in black. Not wasting a single moment, you barrel the other direction. You turn your head back, seeing their drab uniforms disappear in the thick layers of mist. The sheer force of your running causes you to fall back when you collide with something, knocking the air out.

The creatures? You're back here in front of them. That’s impossible. You scoot away with your feet as one approaches, getting down on one knee. Grabs your jaw with a gloved hand, examining your face. You can see the reflection in the glass of their mask. You don’t look like you. Your hair strings around your frame, your once bright eyes clouded with fear and disgust.

“It’s her,” his voice is deep, robotic, and... familiar. With a flicking of his wrist, he walks away, black cloaks flying in the wind. “Kill her.” You intake your breath sharply.

You don’t want to die, not like this. You need to give up but Ben's word echo in your brain. He told you to fight- to fight, no matter the circumstances. You try grasping for anything, sticks, rocks, dirt, anything you can reach, but nothing helps. You try to scream, but he crushes your throat. All you garble out is,

“Where’s Ben?” The cloaked man abruptly stops, turning to meet you. He walks back towards you, rage filling his every step. The man holds his arm out to his side, and another cloaked figure emerges behind him, placing a grey staff with a knife curved into the top in his hand.

“Ben is dead," the mechanical voice echoes through the mask.

He brings his arms back, swinging the staff behind him with the blade to the ground. You shut your lids, expecting to be met with a deadly blow, but it doesn't come. You open, seeing his arms quivering. Why does a monster like him have indecision? With newfound courage, you spit out,

"Only _cowards_ hide behind masks." 

His conflict is suddenly gone as it smashes into your left cheek, causing you to fall. With your head pounding, you blink multiple times. Trying to clear your vision you wait for the inevitable death to come, but the evil figures vanish. The fog suddenly lifted. You're now back in the dining hall’s kitchen with the ration packet on the ground. Struggling to lift yourself up, using the counter’s metallic top next for support. You lean over it, trying to catch your breath as blood drips down from your cheek, staining the clean silver countertop.


	3. Something New

Catching your breath, you watch the gash lining your left cheek slowly seep blood on the metal countertop. Two faces looking back, both your own. With your arms supporting, your legs wobble, struggling to hold your petrified body up.

What in the absolute Galaxy?

Nothing like this has ever happened before. Yes, you receive visions like any other Jedi, but never like this. It felt so real. It must be real.

‘Ben, is dead,’ that man spoke, but how? Ben cannot be dead. It was only a vision. You rush outside. The sudden change of light blinds for a moment, your thoughts set on finding Ben. The sounds of people laughing and blunt objects clashing fill the crisp island air. The Younglings are training. Once your eyes adjust, you go towards the excitement, hoping to find someone who knows where Ben is. Instead, greeted with shouts and chants of children all huddled together.

“Fight,” One boy shouts.

“Kick his ass, Somali!”

“Don’t listen to them Craig, you got this!” One after the other kids shout and place bets on who will win. The pair dances around each other with their staffs up, like an animal stalking its prey.

You lean back groaning and let your sweaty palms slide down your cheeks.

“Why are they like this? Can’t I just have a normal day with no violence? One only filled with training, not petty sword fights between two ten-year-olds.” The kid towards the right side of the inner circle, which you assume is Somali, has deep onyx like skin. Dark purple bruises line up and down her arm, almost blending in with her skin tone. Poor girl.

Somali swings her staff towards the insect-like boy with burnt orange skin, and cracks him right in the bicep. He winces.

“Hey, I wasn’t ready yet,” the boy wines, “you cheated!” Not breaking her form, Somali whacks him again. This time in the shin. “Ow,” Craig falls down cradling his knee.

“Maybe next time don’t act so cocky, or else I’ll actually fight you. And I won’t show you any mercy then.” Somali has a thick accent, one that you're not familiar with. She drops her staff and turns her back to Craig, declaring this fight over.

“They should have left you on that slave planet,” Craig shouts at her. Slave planet? Probably one of the few left after the Empires fall.

In a flash, Somali is on top of the boy, beating him senseless. You would put a stop to a pathetic quarrel like this, but you feel they warrant this one. The Younglings cheer again, instigating the fight even more. You let her bat him for a few moments longer, hoping he gets the message. Green goo oozes out of the busted parts of his face. You shove your way through the crowd of small children, but none seem to move. You push both arms out, spreading the kids apart. The small crowd silences, finally acknowledging your presence.

Somali doesn’t notice the abrupt silence. She keeps bringing her elbows back and smashing them into Craig’s face. You put your digits on her shoulder, trying to get her attention. You step back and lift your hand up. Somali’s body rises into the air, leaving the battered insect child on the ground. Somali tries to thrash herself out, The Force tightly wrapped around her small body.

“Put me down,” She says snarling. You look at the crowd of Younglings, disappointment clouding your gaze.

“This is not how the future Jedi act,” you take a breath to finish the thought, but Craig interjects.

“She started it!” You turn your head to him, picking his damaged body and placing it on his feet.

“You should be ashamed of yourself, kid.” You step closer to Craig, though, holding Somali up. “Have any of you gave your attention to Master Skywalker’s teachings?” No one responds, they all seem too intimidated to speak. A spark of guilt ignites inside of you. Shaking your head, I speak.

“Do any of you know the Jedi code,” you ask. Eyes making pointed looks at each Youngling. No one answers. Somali is the first to break the silence.

“Yes, we do, now can you put me down,” she demands. You cock your eyebrow at her.

“Recite it then,” taking a step closer to her, seeing her tense up. She turns her face away. “Well, since everyone needs a review, I will.” You drop Somali. She stands to sulk in defeat. You walk around the circle, making eye contact with every Student. “A Jedi’s promise must be the most serious, the deepest of his or her life. A Jedi seeks not adventure or excitement, for a Jedi is passive, calm, and at peace.” You stop in front of Somali, “A Jedi knows that anger, fear, and aggression lead to the Dark Side. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. There is no try, only do. Believe and you succeed." You face the children once more, “Above all else, know that control of the Force comes only from concentration and training.” You see no Youngling’s eyes, all of their faces downcast in embarrassment for their actions.

“Please don’t tell Master Skywalker what I did,” Somali begs, finally raising her gaze to yours. Tilting your head as you smile at her, getting on your knees and cup her cheek, speaking so only she can hear.

“Do not worry, I know he deserved it. That is punishment enough.” You get up, clapping your hands together, “Now, who wants to tell me where Ben is?”

A junior girl with blond hair and bright green eyes timidly says, “I saw Apprentice Ben over by the sea-side. He was sparing with himself.”

“Thanks, now if you Younglings don’t want me to tell Master Luke about what happened here today, I suggest you get over to the Jedi temple and catch up on your studies. Since none of you seem to remember anything of what he has taught.” Without other words, the Students scamper off in that direction. Somali being the only one moving a beat late as everyone else walks off.

You spot Ben exactly where the girl said he was, using his Lightsaber to battle an imaginary challenger. With each swing, his concentration is unwavering. Suddenly his footing slips on a small pile of pebbles, and his knee scrapes the ground, tearing a hole in his pants.

“Ben,” you call out. His head snaps in your direction, his overlong hair hitting his damp face and sticking to rosy cheeks. “Ah, sorry there Pal, I didn’t mean to startle you,” you say putting your hands up in mock surrender. Ben seems exhausted, dark circles under his eyes tell a story. Did he look like that yesterday? He pushes himself off the ground and turns off his blue Lightsaber, hooking it on his belt, not sparing a second glance as he saunters off. Ben picks up his tan robe that’s placed on the ground not far from where he was practicing. You stand there watching him with a bewildered expression. “Um, excuse me,” you say offended, jogging towards him. “Why aren’t you talking to me Ben,” you ask. You reach your hand out laying it on his stiff shoulder, “Hey,” you say shouting, trying to get him. He shrugs it off. You place it once more and he aggressively turns around, holding your wrist in a viselike grip. His hand makes yours look dainty.

“Don’t touch me,” he spits out through gritted teeth. Ben lets go and continues walking while you stand back cradling your sore limb.

“What’s wrong with you today,” he ignores, his steps unaffected. You’re beside him again and question further, “Ben Solo, I demand you answer me.” His head turns, his face a mask hiding all signs of emotion, but his eyes betray him. “I sense monumental pain in you, Ben.” You desperately plead, “Please, just talk to me. You know you can trust me with what troubles you.” He finally cracks and you see every single emotion come pouring out. Ben slumps down, wrapping his arms around you and placing his chin on your shoulder.

“I’m suffering so much,” he says in a shaky breath. “There are voices in my head tormenting me every moment I'm alive, they never silence. I feel so isolated.” He lifts his neck up and collapses to the ground, bringing you down with him. Ben rakes his long fingers through his hair, “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, all I feel is pain. I- I-” he let’s out a sob, “I don’t want to be in the darkness alone.” You hook your arms underneath him, lifting up, you stare into his tormented soul.

“You won’t be alone anymore. I’m here, and the light is too.” You brush a strand of Ben’s main behind his ear, “It will always be inside you.” You preach as Master Skywalker does, “The light surrounds us, it warms us, comforts us in the darkness. Embrace it with open arms, and there will be nothing left,” You cup Ben’s cheeks while silent tears stream down his face.

“The only time the voices silence is when I’m with you. I think they’re afraid.” You’re taken aback by his words.

“Afraid of what,” you press.

“Afraid of the light that surrounds you,” you tilt your head at him, “when I’m with you it’s like there’s this beacon shining in my head, and it makes all of them disappear.”

“What,” you say even more confused not able to grasp what he's saying, “how can that be?” You stare more intensely into him, searching for an answer.

He shakes his head, “I don’t know. All that I know is that you are my light in the darkness. I never want that to leave.”

The pair of you sit on a rug covering the dirt floor in your cottage; You tend to the scrape on Ben’s knee. Cleaning the remaining ground out with scalding water and anti-bacterial soap to not get an infection. He gazes at your skin, studying every feature. You shift uncomfortably, trying to ignore it, and focusing on the cleaning. You grab the ointment to the left and sit down the cloth. You smear it on and cover his wound with a bandage. “There, all better,” you remark as you retract your hands, but before you can, Ben clasps them.

“Thank you,” he says. Then taking a deep sigh he goes on, “I’m sorry for how I’ve acted over the past couple days. You deserve treatment with more respect.”

You give him a consoling grin, “You need not apologize, I understand. You’ve been dealing with a lot. I only wish you told me sooner. I would’ve been less upset.”

Ben takes his hand holding it up in a mock oath, “I solemnly swear that I will tell you about whatever goes on in my mind from now on.” Shaking your head, you say,

“No, no, you really don’t have to tell me everything that goes on in your mind. I don’t know if I could handle hearing all your thoughts,” You giggle, “you are a boy.”

“Oh, I am aren’t I,” he says playfully. Ben scoots closer to you and you can see the mischievous glint back in his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you want to hear a man’s thoughts?” The way he says that makes something hot stir within you.

“You know the answer to that,” you retort, rolling your eyes. He laughs deeply in his throat, the ball moving up in down. Your heart skips a beat at the sudden lack of space between the two of you. You can feel his warm breath hitting your nose. You chew the inside of your lip and swivel your head away, not able to hold his intimate stare any longer. His gigantic digits stop you from turning further. You're forced to meet his eyes again. Ben’s mischievous look is no longer there, instead, being replaced by a soft desire for something. His forehead gets closer to yours. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Like what,” he innocently questions, his pink lips moving.

“Like that,” your faces get nearer, lips almost touching. Suddenly, you realize what is about to happen and put a hand on his chest. Stopping him.

The sudden thought dawns on your faces and you're both left staring at each other wide-eyed, not believing what had almost been done. Your breathing the only thing breaking the silence. Finally, you get the courage to break it.

“Did we almost-” you cut yourself off, not wanting to say it out loud, afraid it might set in.

“Kiss, ignore all our teachings and almost break the Jedi Code? Yes, I think we did,” Ben states astonished. He rolls over on his back and lets out an exasperated sigh. You turn your cheek, looking at him. His powerful chest moves, catching air. His face flushed as he blinks rapidly. You're sure you don’t look that different from him either. You find his hand cushioning it. Ben’s gaze meets yours with his mouth parted. You want to feel his lips; his hands pulling your bodies together so you touch. You think better of it.

“We can’t tell anyone of this, no one, especially Master Luke,” you say worried.

He nods, “Trust me, I won’t tell a single soul.”

You raise your eyebrows, trying to show him how serious you are and say, “I won’t either.” You both lay there for a few more moments, staring into each other’s eyes, not saying a word. “You don’t have to be alone tonight. You can stay with me,” you announce shyly. “You can leave early in the morning so no one can see us. If that’s fine with you.”

“I might as well since I’m already here,” he says shrugging his shoulders and grins.

You're only offering to stay the night because he said that he hasn’t been sleeping much. That’s the reason, and nothing more, you chant to yourself.


	4. Don't Hide Things

Waking up with Ben's warm torso up against your back. His arms wrapped around you, pulling me close. You turn over to face him and greeted with his brown eyes shining through the early morning darkness. You smile at him, happy to see his purple circles disappeared.

"You should probably get going now, I don't want anyone to get suspicious." He removes his arm, laying on his back he sighs.

"So, what if they do? Can't two friends sleep together, platonically?" You give Ben an incredulous look and say,

"Are you serious," you lift yourself up and peer down at him, "Did you just say that?" He gives a deep chuckle and sits up too. His long dark hair still laced with sleep, he yawns. His breath smells like expired blue milk. You plug your nose and turn away with a disgusted look. "You need to clean your teeth, your breath smells terrible," Ben slides closer, a smirk dancing on his lips.

"Like yours smells any better," he says breathy, making sure you smell his rancid stench more.

"You're so gross," you laugh and jokingly push him away. He falls on his back dramatically and you put on your sandals, going to light a candle since the sun hasn't risen yet.

"No, don't turn it on," Ben says. You spin around, questioning him with an expression. "I don't want anyone to notice we're awake," you nod your head as your mouth turns into an 'oh' shape. You put the candle back down on the wooden table and look out the window. You try to spot anyone who might be outside but see no one.

"I think it's safe to leave now," you turn to Ben, his face showing a disappointed look. "What," you question with an eyebrow raised.

He shakes his head, "Nothing." Standing up, he walks to the robes he put on the top of the clothes trunk. You watch him as he gets dressed, his muscles ripple through his snug grey under-shirt. You long to have those arms wrapped around you once more, but know this can't happen again. The more time this goes on, the more likely chance to get caught and expelled from the New Order of Jedi. You really don't want that to happen. You don't know where to would go if it did. You have no idea if your parents are still on Kijimi, and what would happen to your sister? You can't risk this any longer.

"Ben," you say as he finishes putting on his robes, "we can't do this again, ever." He walks towards you, no emotions displayed on his face.

"I know," he replies blankly. Your eyes find a spot on the floor to focus on. You don't want to meet his gaze, afraid you might go back on your words. You can't. Still looking down, you say weakly,

"I'll see you in a few hours, I guess." Ben reaches his hand out and puts it under your chin, lifting your head so your eyes can meet. You fold your lips between your teeth, making sure you don't act on the urge to kiss him, even though it's overwhelming. He notices and brings you into a hug. You put your forehead on his chest as his head rests on your own. Then, he places a kiss on the crown.

"See you later." Ben sounds so defeated. like he just lost his most prized belonging. It causes something in you to break. He opens the door, poking his head out first to make sure no one is there, and leaves, the door shutting silently behind him. You lay your head on the door, closing your eyes. You bring your hand up, trying to feel the energy he's left there. Soaking it all in, a salty tear runs down your cheek and drops to the floor, creating a wet spot on the dirty rug. You drag your defeated body to the bed, sit down, taking off the sandals. You caress the warm spot on the bed as you drift off.

You wake up a few hours later to an animal cawing loud. You try to rub the sleep from your eyes and get up all over again; this time without Ben. You swing your legs over the cot while shaking. You try to wipe the painful memory from earlier away, but it doesn't work. The sun is just starting to rise. You put your clothes on and tie your hair back, preparing for the day ahead. You walk over to the dining hall, this time you're among the first to arrive. Master Luke is already here, he sits at the metal table eating what looks like fruit. His grey robe covering his shoulders and his robotic hand showing.

"Good morning Master," you say, forcing yourself to sound like you had not been crying a few hours earlier. He nods acknowledging your presence and continues eating his small breakfast. You trot over to the kitchen and look for a more substantial meal than you've eaten recently. Grabbing some fruit and bread, you walk back to the table and sit in front of Master Skywalker.

"I sense some unrest in you," he drops his food and puts his hands under his chin, studying you. "Tell me." you explain everything that has happened over the past two days for him. You leave out the details of Ben's little hideout in the tree, and the intimate moments you shared too. Your Master listens intently, furrowing his eyebrows when telling him about the voice you heard when falling. That seems so long ago.

"The voice sounded like a man, he was an adult, but young. Only a few years older than me," You look down at the shiny table, staring at your perplexed reflection.

Master Luke leans closer, his voice lowering.

"Did he have an accent?" You bring my head up and raise your eyebrows.

"What do you mean? Like foreign or sophisticated?" Your head goes back down again, this time concentrating on the food. "It didn't sound like either, just a normal voice."

"Have you heard it before?" You think for a second, wracking your brain to see.

"You seem to have an idea on who it is, Master."

He leans back down to his seat, "It could really be anyone, maybe a Sith Lord."

"I highly doubt that I didn't feel any darkness. I didn't feel much of anything as I was falling." He nods,

"Well, it is good that you came to terms with your apparent fate but you should not get too content with dying. You should always fight."

"Yes, Master, I know this. You and Ben have both repeatedly told me to never give up."

"Speaking of my nephew, how is he?" You're surprised by the sudden interest in Ben and have so much more to tell him. Especially about the incident you had in the kitchen, but you don't want to seem selfish.

"Actually, that is also something I wanted to discuss with you." You take a breath in, trying to bury the guilt rising in your stomach for breaking Ben's trust, but he has to get help. Even if it's from his uncle. You hope he doesn't get to upset. "He... Um... He hasn't been sleeping that well. He says every time he closes his eyes, these voices harass him. He hasn't been eating either," Master Luke strokes his small beard, unable to read his expression. "He seems pulled to the darkness like nothing I've ever heard before. I don't understand why he's like this." Luke releases a sigh filled with tension, looking down at his hands. "Master, you have to tell me, why is he like this?" His silence confirms my suspicions, "Master," you say more pressingly, "why is he like this?"

"You know the story of Darth Vader, correct?"

"Of course," you say wanting him to hurry up.

"His love for a woman and manipulation from it corrupted him, but what I never told anyone is that he had children." Your eyes go wide with shock, not believing what he's saying. Why didn't he tell you before? Why is Master Skywalker keeping so many secrets. "Darth Vader's original name was Anakin Skywalker, he was my father, and Leia's too." You gasp, shocked by this sudden revelation.

"Ben's grandfather is..." You stop myself, not wanting to say the truth out loud. "Why haven't you told him, Ben has a right to know," you whisper heatedly.

"I thought I was protecting him."

You stand up abruptly, not wanting to hear any more of his excuses. "Ben has a right to know," and without another word, grab the food and storm out of the dining hall. You need to tell Ben. You need to tell him it's not his fault for feeling this way, that it's in his bloodline. You stop walking. But what if he takes it the wrong way? What if he doesn't see this the way you do; as a reason for his pull to the Dark Side. It's not his fault for the pull, he was born this way. You need to tell him. You start walking again, this time determined.


	5. Temple of The Republic

"Do not let your anger guide you," a voice says. The same voice you heard the other day. You quickly turn on the Lightsaber and get in a battle stance.

"Show yourself!" Nothing but the soft hum of my blue Saber is heard. "Who is in my head? Get out," you spit through a clenched jaw. Snap. The sound of a twig breaks behind and you turn around pointing the Lightsaber in that direction.

"Hey, hey, it's just me," Ben puts his hands up in surrender, the light inches away from his throat. It illuminates his handsome features. "Who were you talking to?" You put the Saber down keeping it ignited.

"No one- I don't know," you respond shaking your head. "Ben, I have to tell you something, and you're probably not going to like it. So- just- you know, brace for impact." He crosses his arms amused, putting his left leg out.

"What? Did you tell my Uncle what happened? You swore you wouldn't." Rolling your eyes and look at him incredulously.

"No, it's not that," you say, the Laser Sword still humming to the side.

"Then, what is it that requires you to keep your Lightsaber on," he questions defensively.

"It's- uh- it has," you rub your hand nervously on the back of your neck, trying to get the words out that way. "Your pull to the Dark Side, I know why it's happening."

Ben drops his arms, "What is it," you bite your lip looking away. He puts his hands on your shoulders, trying to shake the answer out. "Tell me!"

"Your grandfather is Darth Vader," you bring your gaze up and study his face. With his mask back on again. The blackening coals are the only thing that conveys feelings. You see a flash of every emotion in them. Anger, betrayal, relief, and sadness.

"How do you know this," his hands tighten on your shoulder, squeezing them in desperation. "Who told you?"

"Master Skywalker," you say ashamed. His hands tighten even more, causing me to wince. "Ben, let go." He doesn't. Rage clouding his vision.

"Why you? Why did he tell you and not me," he says through gritted teeth.

"I- I don't know," you stutter out, "he said it was to protect you." He lets go, feeling safe you turn off your Lightsaber. He looks down at the ground, the heel of his hand on his forehead. He falls onto his knees.

"Why did my mother never tell me? I trusted her with everything." Ben sounds so deflated, all the rage that was once there is now melted away and replaced with sadness. You look down at him unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry," is all you manage to say.

He gets back up again, his stoic expression back on his face.

"Where is he?"

"I'm not sure if you should see him right now," you reply carefully.

"Where is he," before you can answer Ben sticks his arm out towards you. You stare at him terrified as you feel his hand create pressure inside your head. You block him from seeing where Master Luke is.

"Don't do this Ben. You know this is wrong," he ignores and continues to flip through your memories. "Get out of my mind and we can talk about this, calmly." He turns his hand increasing the pressure. It feels like your brain is going to implode. You cry out in pain. "Get out of my head Ben, now." He suddenly drops his hand down to his side. You cradle your head. A look of shock mixed with horror makes its way to his face.

"Go," you say furiously. The sight of him makes your blood pressure rise. "Go to Master Skywalker," Ben doesn't move.

"I'm so sorry." He looks down at his hands, "I let my anger control me. I didn't mean to hurt you." You peer into his eyes, making sure he sees the red, hot fury on your face.

"Leave me, now." And without other words, you march to the dueling theatre.

"I am one with the Force. The Force is with me," you whisper to yourself while sitting cross-legged. With the earth below, you feel grounded.

"I am one with the Force. The Force is with me."

You focus on breathing. You take deep breaths in and out, feeling your chest expand and shrink.

"I am one with the Force. The Force is with me."

You feel a sense of peace wash over. Making you forget all the events that have transpired over the past two days and hours. You try to connect your Life Force with the one that surrounds. making you one. It's harder than originally thought. Your chest still in a steady rhythm, you feel yourself become almost weightless. Is this what it's like? You see a cavern again with the mist surrounding it. The one from the vision or dream the other night. You step down from the air, your ethereal foot hits the ground silently as the mist moves from under it. You walk towards the hidden cavern with the rocks in front of it, you know what to do.

You close your eyes and breathe in deeply. You can feel the Force around the rocks, seeing them without eyes. You lift your arm up letting the Force guide them away from the entrance. One after another each rock is removed, leaving only a few left in the way. You can see the darkness of the inside as You feel a cold draft whistle out. You open your eyes and walk in. You barely see anything except for an ice-like structure with scratches all over it. Suddenly, you're in front of it and can see your bewildered expression reflected back. You put your hand on it, trying to get a closer look at the ice when it clears, and you see a projection of Ben and a cloaked figure inside it. You watch with intense eyes as they converse with each other, but hear nothing. It all feels familiar to you, like a distant memory that's been blocked out. They both turn to face you. Somehow noticing your presence. Ben disappears as the cloaked being approaches. You step back in shock when you bump into something. Your eyes grow wide as your breathing becomes less serine. You turn around and to the horror, the once cloaked figure is now unveiled and staring right at you.

Their face is gaunt with wrinkles layering it as a scar runs down the middle of their oval head. Piercing blue eyes are sunk deep into their sockets. You gasp and stumble away but are stopped by the ice wall. They tower over you.

"And now, you will die."

His scabrous hand with long, jagged, brown nails rise up to strike you as you flinch away and fall to the ground. You open your eyes, now teleported back to the safe island. You push yourself off the ground and jump to your feet, but you fall back down again landing on your butt. You shake your head and get up again, but you fall once more, this time to your knees.

 _Get up, get up, get up,_ you say to yourself. Don't stay down.

You're pushed back up again and start running. You don't know where you're going. Still, you keep on running. You pay no mind to the uneven surfaces of the hard ground and never look back. You have no idea why you're running, but something tells me you must. You let the feeling take wherever it wants you to go. You soon find yourself in a part of the island you've never been to, or at least don't remember. You continue sprinting until your legs feel like they're about to give out from under you. When all of a sudden, you see a worn down temple. Age showing with every crack and vine tracing the stones. What is this place? Your body begins to slow down as you stopped in front of the stairs.

You've never seen a temple of the Jedi Republic in person before, only in the ancient texts. It looks nothing like the ones pictured. It's almost microscopic to the ones drawn. A small moderate temple with intricate glyphs on the yellow walls. Lush greenery hides the temple away from any aerial view. You place one foot on the weathered stair and feel an exhilarating rush of energy fly through you. It feels almost electric. You continue walking forward.

The inside obsidian as reach for the belt and grab the hilt of your Lightsaber, illuminating everything with a blue tint. You still cannot see much as you trip over some fallen rubble. Your only source of light falls down an unseen hole and turns off itself. You use The Force and catch it before it completely falls to the ground below. It returns to your hand, feeling different than before, and as you ignite it the once blue beam is now a bright yellow.

"Well, this is new," you say to yourself in disbelief. You stand back up and look down at the black hole. You can faintly hear water trickling below. You reach your hand out again, trying to get the right Lightsaber in it. It hits a rock on its way, but nevertheless, it comes back. You light it once more. Thankfully it's blue. Having enough of this, You turn around and march out of the temple with the new found object.


	6. Jedi Secrets

You kneel in front of the clothes trunk and bury the yellow Saber deep down underneath everything. You don't want anyone to find it, especially Master Skywalker. You cannot trust his judgment anymore. In the morning you'll go to the library and search for any information on this peculiar thing. You shut the lid and start to get undressed. You look at yourself in the mirror. Your face is dirty, with spots of dust on it, your lips chapped, and your hair is in disarray. The pads of your fingers rub your tired eyes and you grab a washbasin and head out to the water pump. You fill it and carry it back sluggishly to your hut. 

You are so taking a break tomorrow, no matter what Master Luke does. He can kiss your sorry ass for all you care. 

"Protecting him, psh _._ " You talk to the air, "protecting him from what, your stupidity? No amount of shelter can hide you from that." You shake your head in disbelief. 

"You know I can hear you," Master Skywalker's voice breaks the silence of the night. 

"Oh, so, you've gone to eavesdropping now?"

"Look I know you're upset, but you cannot let your emotions blind your better judgment," he says exasperated. You stop walking. 

"What better judgment, you literally hid a huge detail from your own family. How could you protect him by keeping that big of a secret," you ask incredulously. 

"You wouldn't understand, it was what was best for him." You give him a disapproving look and start storming away again. "Please listen to me, I knew that this day would come, but couldn't you have let me tell him?"

"Ben had a right to know that his pull to the Dark Side is justified." 

You turn around to say the last and final word. 

"You've failed him," and with that, you leave.

You open the cottage door and you're greeted by a small unknown back. You slam the door so the person knows they're not alone anymore. They turn around quickly, startled by the sudden entrance. The lid to your trunk slams down and they hide something behind them. 

"What are you doing here Somali?" She stares wide-eyed. 

"I- Uh- I was just looking around for some extra clothes," she stammers out. She hides the object from view, but already you know what it is.

"How did you know it was there," you question while stepping towards her, "did you follow me?" 

"No, no, I heard whispering coming from your hut. They were calling for me, saying that they had something for me." You try to not let the surprise show, keeping it neutral. 

"What exactly did they say, Somali," you ask with more force than before. 

"They kept whispering over and over, 'Come here. This is yours. Take it. Use this to save them.' I tried ignoring the voices at first because I didn't want to invade your privacy, but they wouldn't stop." She finally moves her hand revealing the hilt of the yellow Lightsaber, looking down at it in wonder. 

"Ignite it," you say blankly, "see the color if you haven't already." Somali gives a cautious look, not sure if you're trying to trick her. "It's fine, do it." She holds the Lightsaber out in front of her for a moment, studying it, and then presses the button. The bright yellow beam illuminates the dimly lit area, humming to life. 

"It's yellow," she says in amazement, "I've never..."

You cut her off, "Yes, it is. What is it telling you?" Somali swings the Lightsaber around in her hand. 

"It says, 'Protect us. Protect them.' What does that mean?" You give her a shrug finally letting the intimidating aura leave. 

"Your guess is as good as mine," you walk over to the bed and plop down. "I'm planning on researching it in the morning tomorrow." She swings it some more, careful not to hit anything.

"Why not just go now? No one will be able to interrupt you, and you can do it in secret." You sit up. 

"Who said that I was going to do it in secret," you interrogate. Somali turns off the Lightsaber raising her left eyebrow.

"It was at the bottom of your clothes trunk, literally under everything." 

You chuckle, getting up off the bed. "You got me there," remarking pointing your finger at her. With newfound energy, you decide to go investigate. You put your hand out for the Lightsaber, but Somali doesn't hand it. You give her a questioning look, "Please, give it to me Somali," you say asserting dominance. She shakes her head. 

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." Your annoyance slowly melts away as you take the Lightsaber gently out of her hand. You embrace her. It might calm her down. This always works with Cass. 

"Why are you hugging me," she says, stiff as a board. You let go, embarrassed, and look down at her.

"I thought kids liked hugs," you reply.

Somali releases a soft chuckle, "Clearly, you have a lot to learn about other than the Lightsaber."

"Yeah," you sigh.

You finish cleaning for bed and put on night-clothes, wrapping a loosely knitted shawl around your shoulders for warmth. You take out your hair from the sweaty bun they were in and let it fall. You grab a flashlight and a lantern. You hand one to Somali. She looks at it confused. 

"You're coming with me," you answer her unasked question.

"I- I am?" 

"Duh, I can't have you running straight to Master Skywalker with what I found." You head towards the door. "It's a long story, not enough time to explain it." Somali stands there with her mouth agape. "Look, I don't have all night. Are you coming or not?" She doesn't move, "You're the genius who came up with this plan, come on." And with that, you both walk into the shadows of the night. 

You sit on the floor with the lantern beside you helping read the books. Half this shit is in a different language, so you're just going by pictures. Some have colors while others don't. These books are ancient. They reak from years of usage, giving a moldy smell. You look back up to Somalie, after some protest you got her to keep watch. That Youngling is spunky, she reminds me of myself when you were her age. You go back to flipping pages again, scanning the illustrations for any indications of yellow Lightsabers. You reach the end of the book without luck. Getting up, you grab the lantern, scanning the rows and rows of Jedi texts. Finally, you see a book with a Lightsaber drawn on the spine of it. You quickly grab it and sift through the pages. Thankfully, this is written in a language you've learned. 

You get into the groove of things, skimming each page when you pass a picture of a crimson saber. It looks like the one from your vision. The one in the Dining Hall's kitchen, but without the 'T' shape. You stop and examine the page. you gasp, covering your right hand over your mouth. 

"What," Somali whispers, "did you find it?"

You shake your head distractedly. "No, not yet. It's about the Sith's Sabers." Her eyes grow wide.

"Read it," she demands. You take a deep breath hesitating but begin. 

"Red is the Lightsaber color that represents the Sith. Unlike the Jedi, who share a connection with their Kyber Crystals, with these then changing colors, the Sith are unable to discover a connection with them, and thus have to steal their Kybers or employ other methods to build their Lightsabers. The process is known as "bleeding", and consists of pouring all their hate, fear, and other negative emotions into the Crystal, causing it to "bleed" and turn red." It's Somali's turn to gasp. 

How could one person have that much hate to turn some else's crystal into a different color?

"That still doesn't answer the question about our Saber," she says matter-of-factly. You roll your eyes at her as she goes back to keep watch and continue flipping pages. Each time you turn it has a different color Lightsaber show up. Blue, green, purple, orange, white. You didn't know there were so many colors. You turn to the page with the heading 'Yellow: Jedi Temple Guards' 

"Hey, I found it," you announce to Somali. She quickly scurries over and sits next to you like a child getting ready to hear a story. "This color is used by Jedi Temple guards, who carry double-bladed yellow lightsaber pikes." 

"There are double-bladed Lightsabers," Somali shouts. 

"Shut up, kid! You're going to make everyone on the island wake up."

"Sorry," she says with her voice back in a whisper. You continue.

"Little is known about this particular lightsaber color, so whether these are made intentionally yellow to distinguish the guards, or the Crystal chooses the temple guards by turning yellow it's unclear. This color has also been used by Jedi Sentinels." You laugh, "Maybe the Force wants you to protect the Jedi Texts from your greasy little Younglings fingers." She shoves you, causing you to fall over on your side, still laughing. 

"Don't make fun of me, at least the Force has chosen destiny for me!" Her shrill voice echos through the Library. 

"Yeah, guarding some dusty old books," you mock. 

"Oh, and what does the Force has destined for you," she retorts back. Ouch, that does sting a little, but you don't show it. "To marry Ben Solo and have little Porg babies?" You sit back up again looking at her seriously. 

"Why do you think that I'm going to marry him? You know Jedi can't get married." 

"Please, all you guys do is make Porg eyes at each other. I'm surprised you two haven't run away together. And another thing," she exclaims. "Why don't you trust Master Skywalker anymore? He is your Jedi Master and greatest advisor!" You slam the book and get up. 

"Now is really not the time for this Somali. We need to get out of here before people hear you have a meltdown." You make your way to the exit when suddenly, it bursts open, to a very broad man. He slumps over with his hands still on the door. You jump back behind the bookcase.

"Who is that," Somali asks quietly while poking her head out to see. You pull her back.

"I don't know, but they can't see you past curfew. You'll get your ass chewed out." You place the book into her hands. "Here, take this. I'll distract them while you make your way out of here, silently." 

"But what about you? Won't you get sentenced to clean up duty?" 

Giggling you say, "Yes, but I'm used to it by now." She looks in awe. As if you've made the biggest sacrifice in the galaxy. "Now, go." You push her further back and step out from the protection of the bookcase.


	7. Touch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little steamy in the Jedi library.

The person doesn't notice for a second as you stand there, unsure of what to do. You can see the silhouette of them in the moonlight. They're broad and their shoulders move up and down as they breathe. They take their hands off the door and spot you. Stopping for a moment, they're surprised that someone's here. They take a few steps closer and out of the shadows. 

"What are you doing here," Ben asks. You let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness it's just him.

"The same goes for you too," you respond defensively. He puts his arms out shrugging. 

"Touche." Ben walks closer, stopping for a second he stares. Studying your clean face with his intense brown eyes. Without any warning, you feel his strong arms wrapped around you. You melt in his warm embrace. Opening your eyes and see Somali behind Ben. She's next to the door looking at you with calculating eyes. You scrunch at her, and lightly motion with your hand for her to leave. She obeys without protest for once. You release Ben, but don't fully take your hands off him. Not wanting him to turn around and see Somali retreating. "I talked with my Uncle," Ben says softly. 

"What did he tell you," you question tenderly. 

"He... He told me about my Grandfather, about how he was Darth Vader." He steps back looking at his hands in disgust, "That Sith blood courses through my veins." You give him a concerned look. You knew this was going to happen. "I'm evil! I have the Darkside in me!" 

"We all do," you say putting my hand on his cheek. "Master Skywalker said he was trying to protect you from becoming like Vader. That by not telling you he could keep you from following the path of a Sith." Ben, leans his head away, looking down at the marble floor of the Library. "It's absolute bullshit." His eyes dart back to you, surprised at the choice of words. He brings you back into a hug again. You nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his musky scent. You could be like this for hours with him. You never want to lose his comforting heat. His eyes pierce into yours once more, and you're taken back to the moment in your room. Ben puts his long fingers through your hair, cradling the back of your head. 

With no more thought about consequences, you smash your lips on Ben's, feeling the fullness of them. Your hands pull his face into yours more. You want to feel his mouth on yours. You want to feel his hot breath against your body. You're so hungry for him. Your desire takes complete control, and the next thing you know, your back is leaning on a bookcase. Ben's hands move down and find their way to your bottom, he lifts you and your legs instinctively wrap around his waist. Your digits run through his hair as your kisses become more passionate. They travel down your neck. You lift your head, basking in the amazing sensations of him. You feel a wave of euphoria wash over as a soft moan escapes your teeth. You can't control yourself anymore. Your hands snake their way under his wool shirt. You feel his firm abdomen and chest. You bight the inside of your cheek, hardly controlling the lust.

"I want you," you whisper breathy. You can hear the desire laced in your voice. It's his turn to moan.

"I want you, right here," Ben replies with equal emotion. Suddenly, you're taken off the wall. He carries you to the back of the Library and lays you gently on the ground. The marble is cold against your skin. He looks down and you can see the pure hunger within his eyes, you mirror it. You bring his face down to yours. His hand makes its way underneath your shirt, it covers your entire stomach. You start to put your kisses on Ben's neck, lightly sucking. You feel his hand clench as he lets out another moan. His voice sounds deeper than usual. It makes something in me stir. "We can't go too far."

"Wouldn't dream of it," you say sarcastically. He releases a deep chuckle as you feel his fingers travel down your pants.

Ben begins to gently circle over your pussy. The pads of his fingers applying pressure. You let out a deep moan, praising him. No one has ever made you feel this way. You've never had this closeness to a person before, and it excites you. You place your palm on the seam of his trousers, feeling his growing desire. He stops and says, 

"You probably shouldn't touch me there."

"Why," you asked confused.  
  
"Because if you do, there's no telling where it'll end up." You bite your lip at the thought but follow his words. One of his fingers gently inserts inside you, curling. 

"Oh, Ben," you say while grinding against him. Shocks of pleasure string their way through your core as you feel something expand inside your belly. You bring your hand up to his neck, pulling his face down to yours so you can be connected. His finger starts to curl faster and you moan in his mouth. Tongue battling with each other for dominance. Ben wins as you feel the ball explode in your stomach and give you wave after wave of pleasure. He slows as your breathing calms, but you never break your kiss. Nothing can compare to this feeling with Ben. No amount of delectable desserts or fine cuisines can create this much joy in your body. It can only be provided by one boy. Ben. You deepen your kiss with him even more, wanting to explore every inch of his moist mouth. Your breaths are still heated with desire but Ben pulls away.

"I've dreamed of being like this with you since I saw you. Feeling your soft lips, having my name be said in such a way only you could say it." A smile is bright as the stars. "Though, I did not imagine it in the Jedi Temple. Such a sacred place desecrated by our desires." You laugh at his words.

"I wouldn't say desecrated, more like revamped." His smile reflects your own as he kisses you again. "We should probably get out of here before someone sees us like this." Ben stands and helps you up, taking the opportunity to give another peck. Your hands clasp together as you walk out the temple. Feeling happy, connected, and loved all with the same handsome boy.

You roll over on your back and stare at the ceiling of the cottage. Remembering the events of the night before as you're taken back to those feelings again. Your face flushes. You get up and start getting ready for the long day ahead. You stretch the sleep out of your bones and make way over to the mirror, with the washbasin below it. Your hair is crazy, more messed up than normal. You get the wooden comb out from the drawer beneath the water basin. Trying to comb the tangles out of your roots, tugging forcefully on some as you hear a knock on the door. Placing the comb back down you walk over and open it, and you're greeted by a scowling Somali. 

"You kept me up all night for this stupid book. I hate you." She throws the book from before at you and you catch it. With no more words, she storms off in the direction of the Training Temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter. Work is finally starting for me and I have marching band pretty much every day. I think band might be canceled here soon if more people are coming out due to COVID- 19. Work probably won't be even be cancelled with the rising cases in my state because my boss doesn't care about the worker's well-being. School is also starting September 9th for me.


	8. Blinding Rage

The midday sun blazes above you, causing sweat to drip down. You wipe it before it runs into your eyes.

  
"Had enough yet," Ben taunts.

  
"I'm just getting started," you say catching breath. You get back into a defensive position, ready for more of Ben's attacks, doing this for a few hours now. It has been a while since the last time he and you did some good sparing. 

  
He makes the first move, swinging his blue Lightsaber into your own. The blades crash together with a 'kshh' sound. He leans towards you, putting most of his weight in blocking. You spin quickly, lifting the Saber off his, and turn back around, hitting it hard. Ben's grip loosens from the hilt and his Saber falls out of his slippery palms. It lands on the ground turning off. You look at Ben in triumph, but know Ben won't give up that easily.

  
Suddenly, he goes headfirst to the ground, rolling on his back and grabbing the Lightsaber, igniting it. Behind you, he points the blade at the side of your neck. You put your hands up in surrender, turning. 

  
"Okay, fine, you win," you say. You let your guard down for a split second and Ben kicks you in the chest, knocking all the wind out. You gulp for air like a fish out of water, but nothing fills enough. You get up, still not able to fully breathe. He swings his Lightsaber repeatedly at you channeling all his anger and frustration into each hit. He keeps hitting, every time you take steps back, trying to get out of Ben's warpath. 

  
'Kshh', 'kshh' the clashing blades sound over and over again. Your arms get tired, but he won't stop. Disregarding the pain and the lack of breath. 

  
"Ben, you need to calm down. This is pointless," you say worriedly. He ignores, continuing to smash Lightsabers together. He shouldn't let that anger control him. "Ben," you shout at him, "stop!" You trip over your shoes, landing on your back, and the Lightsaber falls out of grasp. You stare back at him in fear. Ben raises his arm, ready to deliver the final blow in his blind rage.

  
You concentrate on his face. The once smooth and gentle features are now sharp with darkness, shadowing every contour. His eyes are filled with such fury and resentment, they don't look like the ones of the man you know. 

  
"Do it, kill her. Let your rage fuel every swing and strike her down!" Says a deep, booming voice from nowhere. You've heard that voice before. You turn away, waiting for him to end this. 

  
Searing pain slices across your abdomen as you scream out.

  
"Ben!" You hear a different voice shout. You look to see who it is when suddenly, Ben flies from the line of sight. He lands on the ground next to you with an audible grunt. You turn to him. He stares back wide-eyed, looking like he doesn't believe what he has done. You reach your arm out trying to touch, but someone's hand grabs your face making you look at them. You're brought back to the scorching pain in your stomach. Your vision blurs as you cry out, instinctively you put a palm on the wound, making it burn much worse. Tears brim, ready to fall at any moment. You're lifted up by the unseen person. Another wave of fire runs through you when the whole world turns to black. 

  
You're jolted awake by screams, hearing your heart race. You look at the ceiling, trying to steady it. Quickly, looking down remembering the wound, but it's no longer there. You touch the area where it should be, feeling nothing but silky skin. Suddenly, you catch a waft of oil and ship fuels, their pollution taints the air. This isn't your room, you realize, at least not the one you currently reside in. It's completely black except for the moon shining through a large hole. It lights up the surroundings near it, but you can only see jagged grey stone walls. You swing legs over the bed and walk towards the door, careful not to trip over anything in the darkness. Opening a metal door and you're greeted by dozens of people running and screaming in fear of something. You turn your head in the opposite direction in which they're going, trying to see the thing they are afraid of.   
Dozens of beings in white, plastic suits of armor with black undergarments swarm the area. Their once pristine helmets are now covered in dust and dirt. You see one violently grabs the arm of a young girl with black hair and slanted eyes, she looks no older than Somali. Her chubby face that should be rosy with life is instead contorted into pure terror with tears streaming down her cheeks. 

  
Why are they doing this to her? She is so young. Without further thought, you rush to her aid. 

  
"What are you doing to her," you angrily question the creature in the mask. 

  
"She has been selected as recruitment for the honorable army of the First Order." His words sound practiced through the mechanical helmet. You grab his arm, trying to pry her out of his grasp. 

  
"Let her go you plastic toy. Can't you see you're scaring her?" He pushes back with the barrel of his blaster. "Woah there, let's not be too hasty. I wouldn't want the young one to see you get hurt," you say confidently putting palms up in fake surrender. 

  
"Watch yourself, peasant." 

  
"Peasant," you repeat back offended with digits hands on your hips. 

  
"I wouldn't want you to get shot by my blaster, now would we." He moves it up to your neck, the cold metal pressing against hot veins. "Now, you leave before I pull the trigger and blast a hole into your throat." You raise an eyebrow at him and nod in defeat. You turn around smirking too. You take two steps forward, then spin around on your heel, bringing your leg up and kicking the blaster out of his gloved fingers. It flies out of reach. "Hey," he shouts surprised. Before he can go for the blaster you wrap your fits around the back of his dirty helmet and slam the front down on your knee. The armored beast falls to the ground, letting go of the young girl. You grab her hurriedly, lifting her up into your arms, carrying her to safety. You're not sure where that would be but run anyway, following your instincts. They lead you down a dank alleyway with straw littering the disgusting ground. It smells of wet garbage. You almost vomit, but swallow the bile down, running. 

  
You're soon in front of a large brick wall with a fence, barbed wire lining the top. You turn around hearing the footsteps and shouts of the other soldiers chasing.

  
"Here," one man says. 

  
"She went this way," says another. 

  
_Shit, shit, shit._

  
You look at the surroundings. There's no way to escape, the tall fence blocks you. You peer down at the girl's tear-stained face and try to wipe them away. The footsteps keep getting closer. The only way to get over the barbed wire is to jump, but you don't know if you can with her. 

  
"Only one of us can make it over this wall," you say to her as calmly as possible. "I'm going to have to throw you over, okay?" Her expression forms back into fear, this time of what you're going to do to her. "I'm sorry, I know this is scary but you have to be brave." You stand her on the ground while kneeling in front. "Trust me and have trust in the Force; it will guide you to safety," you push her bangs back from her face and place a tender kiss on top of her forehead. You get back up. "You ready?" She nods back still frightened of what's to come. Wasting no more time you lift the child up and throw her as hard as you can over the barbed fence. She makes it over and you use the Force to cushion her fall. "What's your name," you ask her sweetly.

  
"Rose," she says softly. You can hear her fear.

  
"Well, Rose, it was nice to meet you." A small smile appears on her lips. "Please try to not make a sound," you say to her, "it'll be over soon." You turn around with a whole line of white armor soldiers, all their blasters trained on you.

  
"Where is the girl," the one on the far left asks. 

  
"What girl," you answer back with mock innocence as you lean on the fence.

  
"Don't play tricks with us commoner scum, you know exactly what we're looking for," the soldier in the middle retorts. You jut your leg out and put an elbow on top of the other forearm and stick a nail in your mouth. 

  
"Girl... Girl..." you say trailing off. "What girl exactly are you talking about? I've known many in my life if you know what I'm sayin'." You wiggle eyebrows at the line of them. No one moves. None of them impressed with your jokes. You hear another pair of boots stomp behind them and see another soldier. This one has silver armor and a black cape draping off the shoulder, signifying someone of high authority. They hold a shiny blaster across their chest. 

  
"Give us the child and we will give you a merciful death," says the silver armored figure. Your eyes grow wide, surprised to hear a woman's voice with a sophisticated accent. 

  
"How about this," you clasp your palms together, "we don't blast me to death and I get to go free. Sounds like a good plan don't you think?" 

  
"Fire," she says coldly. The line raises their blasters and shoots.


	9. The Future

You expect to be dead as soon as the blaster go off, but instead, you're met with a worried Cass and Master Skywalker. You gasp for air in which you desperately need. Your heart is back to pounding out of your rib cage, but this time you can feel the searing pain in your stomach. You cry out, clutching the wound.

  
"Call the Medic," Master Skywalker says over his shoulder, "she's awake." You see Cass scurry out of the small cottage. You try to sit up, but before you can Master gently pushes you back down. "Don't try to get up just yet. Even though the Saber cauterized your wound it doesn't mean you can't tear it open and cause bleeding." You stay down and don't protest. Suddenly, an unquenchable thirst strikes you. It's like the feeling in the morning after your fellow Jedi sneak out for a night of drinking.

  
"Water," you whisper hoarsely, pointing at the pitcher beside a cup on the bedside table. Master Skywalker gets the message and pours me some, you gulp it down greedily, savoring every swallow. You drink until it's empty and motion for more. This time sipping at it, not wanting to overindulge. "How long was I out," you ask with a full voice returned.

  
"Only a few days. Nothing much has happened since then," he grabs the clothes trunk and uses it as a stool. You're acutely reminded of the fact that there is a very dangerous weapon concealed at the bottom. You really hope his weight doesn't ignite it. "I've ceased my lessons on the island since then." You look at him perplexed. 

  
"Master," you question, "that's very foolish of you." He laughs at the boldness.

  
"I suppose so," he says while stroking his beard with a smile. 

  
"They're already lazy enough as is! If you give them a few days off it's sure to make it worse," you remark utterly serious. Master Skywalker releases a bigger and louder laugh.

You can see the wrinkles in his face. Each line holding its own unique story. 

  
"I highly doubt that. I have Voe training them." This time it's your turn to laugh, even though it hurts to do so.

  
"You put Voe in charge of lessons? You cannot be serious," you say incredulously. "She will work them to death!" 

  
Voe is only three years older and is obsessed with becoming a Jedi Master. Her face is friendly-looking which starkly contrasts her serious personality. What Voe lacks in diplomacy she makes up for in drive and ambition and envy. She has always been jealous of Ben. Always lamenting how she's better than him. You've told your Master more than once you do not favor her qualities. If you look past the whole standoffish personality she is a very dedicated student, and you admire her for that, but why would he put her in charge and not Ben? He's far more skilled in the people's department and teaching. 

  
"Why not have Ben substitute for you? You know he's a good student and I'm sure he could shine even brighter as a teacher." Master Luke bristles at you as you look at him concerned. "What?" He lets out a sigh that you didn't know he was holding. 

  
"He hasn't come out of his hut since you've gotten hurt. I've tried to get him out but he keeps pushing me away." You turn from him. 

  
"He must be really hurt by all this then," you state sadly. 

  
"That is the understatement of the universe," he says while leaning back on the trunk. You're both silent for a moment not sure of what to say. Finally, Master speaks first, "What happened when you two were dueling?" You stare up at the ceiling wracking your brain for the memory. 

  
"I don't remember the whole thing," you answer while turning to face him. "It was just normal sparing, but as it went on and I got the upper hand he became angry. He was filled with so much rage, I could sense it. The air was heavy around him and- and- I heard a voice." Master Luke's face contorts into a worried expression. "Ben and I could both hear it. It was saying horrible things, dark things. The voice said for him to kill me and he did. Well, he tried to, but I know he didn't mean it," you say earnestly. "He swung and sliced me, not knowing what he was doing. Even then the look in his eyes was unmistakable. It was murderous, angry. Not the eyes of the Ben I lo-." You stop before you can finish the sentence. "Not the eyes of the Ben we know," you correct. Master Skywalker raises an eyebrow at you but doesn't question.

  
"This was what I was afraid of, he has too much Vader in him, too much of the dark side in him." You sit up abruptly, ignoring the wave of pain. 

  
"No," you shout, "he doesn't. He's just conflicted. It happens to everyone, you of all people should know." Master Skywalker makes a disapproving face. 

  
"Know your words before you speak them, young apprentice." Your face clouds with shame. You must have hit a nerve. "I'm going to see what is taking Cass so long," he says while getting up. You don't respond. Leaving the words to hang in the air.

  
The Medic with a tray full of supplies enters the room with Cass on her heals, but Master Skywalker doesn't return with them. You don't care enough to ask any questions. The Medic removes the bloody dressing from your torso and refuse to look at the wound as she does. 

  
"You have a third-degree burn," she gives a sympathetic look, "you're lucky it wasn't deep enough to completely go through all the epidermal tissues and get to your vital organs." She then gets a fabric swab and antimicrobial solution to clean it out. It burns like the lava on the old Sith planet Mustafar, but you try not to make a sound. Only gritting teeth and clutching my bedsheets. Once she's done she grabs a metal pot filled with clear ointment and slathers it on subduing the pain some. She then grabs clean gauze and wraps it around you. "There," she says pleased with her handy work, "all better. In a short while, you'll need a skin graft, but no matter what you'll have a nasty scar on your stomach.

  
"I don't care," you say matter of factly. Finally, you'll have a cool battle scar to brag to the new younglings about.

  
"Here are some pain meds for you to take when it becomes unbearable to handle," she sits a clear bottle with tiny little white pills on the nightstand next to the pitcher of water.   
"Thank you," you say gratefully.

  
"Someone will be with you at all times if you need anything. Right now your sister will be here," she turns to look at Cass. "Come straight to me if anything happens." Cass nods,   
"Will do Ms. Medic." And with that, she exits the room. 

  
You lay there for hours trying to make sleep but it never comes. You reach over to get a drink of water but find it empty, and see Cass laying on a pile of rugs with a small pillow cradling her head. She's out cold. You turn over on the side to face her, hissing at the burn. 

  
"Cass," you whisper trying to waker her up softly. "Cass. Cass," you say in a normal voice this time and startling her. She lifts herself up with her hands' sleep etched all over her face. 

  
"Huh? What?" she looks around forgetting where she is. "Oh, what do you need?" 

  
"Water." Cass gets up quickly and walks to the basin looking in it. 

  
"Yes, yes, I'll get that for you. Just wait for a moment." You roll over again and stare up at the ceiling, wondering if Ben knows you're awake. If he did he would come to see. He must not know then. Steadying your breathing you close your eyes feeling calmness wash over. You take a deep breath in and exhale, calling out Ben's name. 

  
No response.

  
You do it again, trying to connect with him through The Force. 

  
"Ben," you say quietly. You feel a small internal tug as the door opens. It breaks your concentration, and you turn your head over to see who it is, fully expecting it to be Cass, but it's not. It's Ben. Your Ben. He looks with a blank expression, but his eyes betray him. His deep, deep emotion-filled eyes. They let you spot his relief, his sadness, his longingness, his regret, and the conflict within him. Such deep eyes, such raw emotion placed in them.

  
You smile as something blossoms inside your heart. Like the first ray of sun on a budding flower after a long season of cold. It's a feeling never felt before.

  
_What is this?_

  
_Do you feel it too?_

  
_Yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is getting so fucking crazy. I have so much more work to do than normal and little to no time to do it. I have barely any moment to write my stories and that makes me so mad. I'm sorry about it too. There's no way i can continuously publish chapters, but I will try my best. I won't give up. It may take awhile but I will find a way to do it.


	10. New Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New connections form between you and Ben, leaving someone lost and alone.

You stare at each other for a while longer, never breaking eye contact, but not mouthing word. The air around you stills as your sound echoes.

Can you hear me? 

Yes. 

Why is this happening? 

I don't know. 

Do you want it to stop?

No. Never. 

Why did you do it? 

...

Are you mad at me? 

No, I know it wasn't you. My Ben would never do that. 

But what if this is your Ben, what if it was me? 

It wasn't you, it was someone else, controlling you.

Do you want to know what happened that night when you caught me outside? 

Yes. 

His name is Snoke, he is a Sith Lord. 

You gasp out loud, feeling the connection break. 

"How could he-? How could you-? How-" You can't manage to get a single sentence out too shocked by this revelation. 

"I'm being taking by the Dark Side," Ben gravely confesses. You try to get up, but shoved down by the Force. "Don't get up. I don't want to see what I did." 

"Ben, it wasn't you," you say desperately, "you know it wasn't."

"But it was, IT WAS," he screams while hunching over and clenching his fists. 

"NO, IT WASN'T," you yell back. 

"YES, IT WAS," he shouts again causing his black hair to go wild. 

"NO, BEN IT WASN'T. I LOVE YOU," you scream without thinking. The words lay heavy in the thick air. He steps back, all the features in his face softening. 

"What," he says almost too quiet to hear. "You what?"

"I love you." 

"You," he stumbles, falling to the ground. 

"Ben," you shout worriedly and quickly jump out of bed. Ignoring all the pain as you run over to him and fall to the knees. You grab his large body and struggle to turn him over, and see blood start to soak through the bandages. "Ben," you say again this time softer, almost a whisper. You brush his messy locks from his face and get a good look at it. It has a yellow-green tint to it, and his dark circles are back. He opens his deep, brown, puddle-like eyes, and lifts his hand up. He touches your cheek, slowly rubbing his thumb back and forth on it. 

"I am so, so, sorry for all the pain I have given you. You don't deserve it." He moves his hand to the back of your head. The weight of his arm pulling you to him. "Every moment I am alive I am tormented by these thoughts of darkness, but when I'm with you all I see is light. All I feel is light. When I'm with you I know who I am and what I want to be." Your faces move closer together. "I love you, more deeply and truly than I have ever felt in all my life." 

Before you can stop, your lips softly press together. Your eyes shut, and for a moment all you can think about is Ben's tender mouth on yours. His hands find their way to the middle of your back, pulling closer together. Your own comb through his thick midnight hair, wanting to never let him out of grasp. Your mouths part and lids open, suddenly being transported back into the moment you realize what you've done and take your digits out. 

"Ben," you whisper ashamed, "we can't do this. It's against-" but before you can finish your lips are back on his plush ones. This time less soft, and more hungry. You lay down as your arms wrap around Ben's neck. He kisses again and again, each time more rushed, needier. You forget the searing pain in the abdomen and all you can think about is him. You return the kisses with equal passion, never wanting the moment to end. His kisses soon travel to your jaw, neck, and then chest. You feel a sudden wave of lust crash, wanting more of him. Craving more of him, but then the kisses stop, and there's a gasp. You're both taken back to reality and you stare at in horror. You snap up seeing an astonished Cass. 

"Oh, shit," Ben and you both say in unison. Cass drops the basin, letting it shatter as all the water spills on the ground. 

She says your name flabbergasted. You push Ben off, trying to get up, but then you're suddenly aware of the wound. It feels as if a fire has been lit there, you wince, clutching it. 

"It's not what you think," you say desperately, "It's not-," Suddenly Cass's eyes glaze over and her mouth shuts, only breathing and blinking. No emotions are displayed on her face. She looks like a statue. You turn around to look at Ben, his hand outstretched holding Cass in place. "Ben, what are you doing?" He doesn't respond. "What are you doing to my sister?" The question comes out like a growl. He turns to look at you. The same face from when you were dueling stares back. Your eyes grow wide with terror. 

"I'm trying to erase her memory," Ben says blankly. You gasp, covering your mouth with a hand. 

"Only a Sith can do that. Ben, don't do this to her. She's my sister," you plead with him.

"She'll go and tell my Uncle, he'll punish us. He'll kick us out of the New Order of Jedi!" 

"This isn't the way to go. Erasing her memory is deceitful, we can just talk to her." You see his arm start to waver, becoming unsure with himself. You step closer to him, "Please." He stares at me for a moment contemplating his next choice, then at Cass, still unwavering. Without any hesitation your Lightsaber flies to your hand and ignites. You swing up feeling your burnt flesh tear and sever, but the thought of your sisters fear blinds you. He puts his arm down, as the laser descends. You see Cass return to normal. Ben hangs his head in astonishment. 

"You almost cut my arm off," Ben yells. 

"You were hurting her." 

"I'm sorry." He looks at his palms in shame. You drop to the floor in pain as blood drips on your legs. 

"We can work through this, together," you struggle to say. You both turn to Cass, your hands locked, but she's gone. Both stepping out into the night, not able to see where she went. "You need to go find her. I have to call the Medic," you grit out, trying to hide pain. 

"Yeah, I'll go get her for you," he replies distractedly. You give him a quick squeeze, careful not to get any blood on him. Ben stares down at you adoringly, "I love you." You sigh, forgetting the seriousness of the moment.

"I love you too, Ben Solo." He takes an unlit lantern, beginning his search for Cass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys, I got the absolute best fanfic in the works right now, ot the AU one, this one is in the Star Wars Universe. I'm not giving away any ideas or clues though, I want it to be a major surprise. I think it will come out late summer of 2021. Also, there will be an update for "The Exchange" some time next week. :) I hope you enjoyed this cute little chapter.


	11. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You realize taking a lazer sword to the stomach tends to hurt, but the words of jealousy can be worse....

You crawl over to the bedside table and pick up one of the pain pills, dry swallowing it. You grimace as you do so. It gets stuck in your throat and you force yourself again, it goes down. You climb on the soft bed, letting yourself sink into the mattress. A few minutes later the Medic walks in with the same supplies as before. Worry is carved into each of her wrinkles. 

"Oh my stars," she shouts, "what on this planet have you been doing?"

"Stuff," you say nonchalantly. She huffs, putting her hands on her hips.

"Well, it certainly looks like it." She begins to peel the wrappings off. The pain is slight. "You Jedi are the most difficult patients I have ever had to treat." You laugh in response. It causes sharp strings of fire in your stomach. "And another thing, don't laugh! Refrain from any sort of stress on your body whether it be good or bad." 

"Aww, you're no fun," you pause to say her name but realize that she hasn't given it yet. "By the way, what's your name?" She smiles, 

"It's Tulsi Rom." You wouldn't expect that name from a sweet beaked nose lady. 

"What planet are you from, Tulsi Rom?" 

"I'm from Corellia." 

"Corellia? Like where Han Solo is from," you question with wonder. 

"Yes, though he and I did not know each other." 

"Corellia is home for some very fearsome people." Tulsi looks at me with distaste. "Well at least from what rumors say." 

"Not all of us are. I'm glad I got out of there before that planet corrupted me," she says wistfully. You sit there for an awkward moment, feeling bad for having offended her. 

"Where did you go after," you question trying to relax the conversation. 

"Naboo. I trained there to become a nurse," she says curtly. You let Tulsi finish her work and without another syllable she leaves. 

You lay here for a few more hours in the dark, not wanting to sleep. The anxiety of the unknown keeps you awake. Cass is your sister, you don't think she would intentionally want to ruin our life here, or possibly lose you. How could Ben possibly have gotten that Sith mind trick? 

"Probably from that Sith Lord Snoke." You spit his name out with disgust. Perhaps he was the one who erased your memories. Ben wouldn't let him do that to you. Would he? No, he loves you. You smile to yourself. "He loves me," you repeat out loud, "and I love him." You don't care how you've broken so many Jedi rules and codes. You're happy you did. Love cannot possibly be a reason for one single person turning to the Dark Side. There has to be more than just love. Master Luke has been keeping so many things from us, and for what? 

Suddenly, you hear the door burst open. It's Ben. He has his hands in his scalp with a distressed look on his face. He starts to walk back and forth incoherently mumbling to himself. He throws his hands up into the air, shaking them wildly. 

"No. No, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. How can this be happening?" Ben's pacing continues. "What am I going to do?" 

"Ben," you say snapping him out of his panic. 

"Oh," he responds surprised, "what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in your own bed." You stare at him confused. 

"Ben, I'm in my bed," you say sounding as if you're talking to a child, "you're in my hut." He looks around shocked, 

"It appears so." You fling your legs over the side of the cot and stand. He starts his pacing, biting his nail in the process.

"Did you find her," you ask. 

"Find who?" 

"Cass, my sister." 

"Um, no," Ben says timidly. 

"Well, you need to. You know what will happen if you don't," you assert. 

"I can't sense where she is," he replies, "so I don't know how you expect me to find her."

"I certainly can't you Nerf Hearder." 

"Hey, watch it with the names there," Ben jests. You chuckle to yourself while looking up. 

"Why did I have to be blessed with such a man in my life," you say sarcastically. He walks closer with a smirk on his lips. 

"You know, most people would be melting at the fact the infamous Ben Solo, son of Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa decided to grace them with his divine presence." You stand up and our faces are inches apart. 

"You certainly are the son of Han Solo," you poke as your eyes go up to his plump lips. 

"You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen," Ben says in a low voice as you both lean in. He clasps his hand around your own, connecting.

"Is that what I am? A beautiful creature," you joke absentmindedly. 

"The most." His hot breath tickles your nose and without hesitation, your lips meet. It sends waves of warmth throughout your body as you deepen the kiss. It makes you two forget all your worries for a moment, and that's exactly what is needed.

You stand in the doorway of the Jedi Temple, observing the Younglings. They listen intently to Master Voe's teaching. You're still not allowed to train yet, so you've been instructed to help with the lessons. You couldn't handle doing anything but sit around for more than a month. Especially since you haven't seen Cass. It's like she disappeared into thin air and that worries you to no end. Nevertheless, you slowly progressed, taking small steps each day until you were able enough to walk around the Island. Ben eventually officially came out of hiding, visiting you as often as he could, and helping Tulsi. You know he feels obligated to since he is responsible for it. You mean, yes, he did slice your abdomen with a Lightsaber, and yes he almost killed you, but you know he didn't mean it. He couldn't have meant it. It wasn't him. 

"Are you just going to stand there Apprentice, or are you going to come help," Voe asks with a twinge of annoyance in her voice. Some of the Younglings giggle as your cheeks flush with embarrassment and ears get hot. 

"Yes, of course," you say while walking over. Voe turns away trying to hide a smug look on her face.

"So, today Younglings we will be learning about the different techniques of Lightsaber dueling styles. As you know there are many and each have a different speciality that the wielder uses." You can't believe you're on teaching duty with Voe of all people. "Every Jedi in the galaxy must be skilled in lightsaber combat to survive. Although we are known to rely on peaceful negotiations, that does not mean we do not understand the importance of lightsaber combat. It takes many years of training to learn each of the techniques." Her brown face regards you with a slight tone of arrogance. Of course she feels that she can talk down on you in your current condition. "When learning lightsaber techniques, a Jedi apprentice is trained to recognize all seven forms of combat. Shii-Cho, also known as Form One, is the oldest and most elementary form of lightsaber combat developed by the Jedi Order. Shii-Cho is still taught to Younglings, such as yourself, because it is the most basic. This style is known to be used when all other forms of combat have failed. Because this form has such early origins, Shii-Cho is not optimized for a Saber to Saber combat and is used predominantly for defense. But not everyone no matter how old you are can master this." Voe stares at you with pursed lips and the Younglings begin to laugh. 

"What are you implying, Voe," you question angrily. 

"I am not implying anything Apprentice." She fains innocence. You cross your arms in defense. 

"That's what I thought." 

"Well, anyways before we were interrupted by the spunky Apprentice I was talking about the forms." It's near impossible to not roll your eyes. 

"Bitch," you mutter under your breath. 

"What was that," Voe snaps. 

"Huh. Oh nothing. I wasn't saying anything." She takes intimidating steps toward you. 

"I thought I heard you call me a bitch, and in front of these children no less."

"I would never say something like that." You pretend to bow, tucking your chin to your chest. With no warning you feel a hard smack on the side of your head. The strength radiates through your skull. Looking up you stare at her in rage, ready for a fight. 

"How dare you call me such a name? I am your superior!" 

"Is that so? Well, I'd like to see how a superior Jedi could possibly stoop so low as to hurt a young apprentice." 

"That's very though talk for someone who got injured by her lover," she fires out. Your mouth drops to the floor. How could she know about this? She doesn't. There's no way. You need to act normal. 

"Lover," you shout, "You of all people should know that attachment is forbidden. So is anger, hate, and jealousy." Voe extends her hand out and a Lightsaber flies. 

"I would like to demonstrate Form One to the Younglings." No more talk she charges toward you as you block her attack with The Force, and grab yours. 

"Of course, I'd love to. I'll go easy." The bandage tears away at your skin as your body twists in Form One.


	12. Love Across the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love has never felt so good, yet it never lasts.

"Voe is such a stuck up Bantha licking Swamp Rat," you say to Ben flailing arms through the dense forest. You adjust the wool satchel on your shoulder. The morning sun rays shine through the leaves of the treetops.

"Believe me, I know," he says, "She's been jealous of me since I came here. Her mind is set on trying to be better than me, and I'm sick of it."

"I mean you are the son of very Force, sensitive people, and famous people at that." Ben huffs as he walks. You pause for a second and look at him with crossed arms while rolling your eyes. You lean your head down and keep walking, silently smiling to yourself. You love this amazing yet irritating man. 

"I know you do," he says while turning. You don't even have to look up to know he's smirking.

"Stay out of my head, will ya?" Your thoughts are not that loud.

"Oh, yes they are," he chuckles out. 

"Ugh," you complain.

You both keep walking deeper into the forest, sticks, and plants snap at the bottoms of shoes. They provide the only sounds in this silent woods. Your abdomen starts to send sharp waves of stinging. You stop for a moment, propping up against a tall tree. The stinging starts to subside a little, but still, it takes the breath.

"Ben," you call out, "can we stop for a minute?" He turns around and steps toward you while nodding his head. You stand there, saying nothing for a brief moment. Leaving an unspoken question in the forest air.

"Do you really think that Cass went all the way out here," Ben asks. 

"Honestly, I'm not sure," you say shrugging. "She hasn't been anywhere else we have looked, so this is our best bet." You can't help feeling like she's not on the island anymore, but that's impossible. You don't say the suspicions out loud. Instead, "I really hope Master Skywalker hasn't found her yet. The stars only know what she'll say if he does."

"Wait, you haven't Master Luke about her yet," Ben questions with a slight tone of worry in his voice.

"No, I haven't, though I think it's starting to get to the point I should." You look up, staring at the rays of the sun. "It's midday now," you say abruptly avoidinghis judgement, "we should keep moving." 

It is hours before the conversation sparks again. You have no words to say, they're all being used for the thoughts whirling inside your head. What if we can't find her? What if she's hiding from us? What if she got lost and needs us? If she did wouldn't she try to reach out to me or Master Skywalker? 

What if... What if... What if...

The trees feel as if they're going to fall as the wind violently moves the leaves. How could you have let this happen? Your emotions should not cloud you judgement, but they're so strong. Never leaving your body for a second. Constantly filling your limbs with butterflies. 

"Calm down." Ben's voice startles you out of thoughts. 

"Sorry," you say as the tips of your ears get hot, "I didn't mean to be so loud." He sighs,

"It's fine, I know you're worried." You wrap arms around your torso. Ben takes long strides back to where you're sulking and puts a warm hand on your cheek. You notice the once yellow rays shining through the trees are now a deep orange. "We should rest for now," Ben states. His hand leaves, only to have the cold wind in its place. You take off the scratchy satchel and place it on the ground, kneeling to look in it. Pulling out the wool blankets and food rations that are packed, laying them down in neat piles. 

The night has set in with the cold too, but the fire keeps you both content. You sit close together, heads leaning against one another. Blinking slowly as you yawn. Ben finds your hand and gently grabs it, bringing a kiss to the knuckles. An airy feeling fills your lower stomach as you flush. 

"I love you," you say absentmindedly. 

"I love you too," Ben replies, "more than you know." You stand gracefully and walk over to the makeshift bed of blankets and plop down. Ben follows suit, scooting right next to you so your faces are inches apart. You bring your arm up and wrap it around his body, pulling him closer. A small smile dances on your lips as they touch. He deepens the kiss as he grabs the back of your head, tongue snaking its way out of your mouth and into his. They dance with each other as Ben lets out a deep moan, and suddenly, he pulls away. Your head lurches forward slightly as his lips move further away. 

"Ben," you ask softly, "what's wrong?" He doesn't say a word and looks down towards his waistline. You follow his gaze. "What," you question even more confused. His digits that was once wrapped around your head is now on my bicep slowly leading it to the top of his pants. You bite your lip and look at him realizing what is happening. Ben swiftly stops halfway, suddenly realizing what he was doing. He turns over on his back in embarrassment. 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-," but before he can finish you swifty move on him, straddling his waist. It feels firm between your legs. You lean down to kiss him once more, this time, less tender with a newfound passion. Ben finally understands what you want and before you know it, his hands are racking through your hair, pulling your mouths close. With a mind of their own, hips begin to move. You don't know why they're doing that, but you don't want it to stop. It feels nice, it relaxes as your legs start to go limp and tremble. Ben pulls his head back and moans once again, this time saying your name. His hands go down to your still moving hips and help them. His touch is electrifying. You begin to feel a warming sensation never felt before, it makes your breath hitch. Legs keep grinding at a faster pace as Ben's hands move up to your stomach, up to the bandage. You look down at him with a small amount of worry in your eyes.

His hands linger on the wound for a second and feel it tingle. 

"What are you doing," you ask with a breathy voice. 

"Making you feel good." You don't question any further as his hands go up to your breast. He squeezes them gently as your palms go up to meet him and show them down to the bottom of my shirt. He lifts it up, the only thing between yout body and him is a thin undershirt. Ben's eyes grow wide as you look down. Your nipples poke through the thin shirt, not leaving much to the imagination. His pads lightly touch them and it sends small waves of pleasure through them. 

Suddenly, Ben takes his hands off of and before you know it your back is on the ground. His black hair drapes wildly around his face as he brings his lips to yours. You slide off your shirt to reveal pale breasts. He stares at them in wonder for a brief moment then, going back to kiss you, hard. Your legs wrap around him, but he gets up, taking off his shoes, pants, and shirt hurriedly. Falling down clumsily and you giggle as he gets up, and that's when you see him, really see him. Ben's chest is wide, wider than you realized. His chiseled stomach shines with a light sheen of sweat over it. Your eyes travel down his body further. He's stiff, stiffer than you could have ever imagined. You feel the area between your legs throb. He comes back down kissing you again. Ben unbuttons your trousers and slowly pulls them down. His hands glide up and down your thighs as you let out a groan. He kisses me again in response as he positions himself in the center. He rubs against you, shuddering in pleasure. 

Ben slides in, stinging your insides. He feels like nothing before, filling you up entirely. 

"You're so tight," he sighs. 

"I've never done anything like this before. What do you expect," you jest as he glides in deeper. 

"I've been dreaming of this day for so long. I love you so much." Another inch enters. "You're the only person I've ever thought about, every morning," another, "every evening," another, "every meal." He's fully inside you as you feel yourself clench. Ben leans over your torso, bending his back, pinning you with his limbs as you bring his mouth to yours. Starting to thrust gently he assures to never hurt you. You separate as he speeds up, causing you to let out a throaty groan. 

"Oh. This feels so good. I love it." He kisses your neck, sucking and nipping at the skin. Pressure builds within you as he continues to glide back and forth. Your fingers tangle themselves in his mane as his eyes meet yours. 

"You're so fucking beautiful." Your sockets grow wide as you chuckle out a moan.

"I've never heard you use such vulgar language, Ben Solo" He begins to thrust even harder, causing slapping sounds. Your spine arches as sparks of pleasure ignite throughout your nerves, a climax begins to form. "Don't stop Ben. Please, don't stop." 

He grunts through his teeth, spit flying out and onto your face. "Oh. Ben. I'm going to-." You cannot finish your sentance as a wave a warmth and ecstasy crashes through your bones. He continues to thrust as you tremble and clench around him. Saying your name as Ben begins to reach his. His arms shake with pleasure as his hips slap into you one last time as you feel liquid spurt inside. Movements beginning to slow as he comes down from his high, kissing and stroking every curve on your body. 

"I love you so, so much. Please, do not ever leave me," he says desperately. Pleading tenderly with his brown eyes you kiss him earnestly. 

"I'll never leave you, Ben, never."


	13. Love Dies

You wake to the sound of chirping birds. They sing their early morning song as you wipe the sleep from your eyes. Yawning and stretching you stand up, but your knees falter, going straight to the earthy floor. A sharp stinging pain radiates from within, yet you bask in it as your whole body grows hot when you recall the memories of you and Ben becoming one. Your trembling limbs wrapped together, pure bliss on both your sweaty bodies. A smile forms on your pink lips. 

"You okay there," Ben asks teasingly with a small amount of concern in his smooth voice. Laughing, you say, 

"Yeah, I'm just fine and dandy. That's exactly why I'm on my knees." You don't have to look back to know he's smirking. 

"Did you sleep wrong, young Apprentice," Ben jests cheekily. You snap your head around faster than expected, nearly causing a fall sideways. Your eyes grow into slits when met with his beaming face. 

"You know damn well what caused this," you reply back snarky. He lets out a light snicker and moves his body against your back. Suddenly, aware of how vulnerable you are. His hard chest warms your naked back as you lean into him. Ben puts feather- like kisses along the side of your neck and you melt like a pile of snow in the early spring sunshine. You let a soft, breathy moan escape your lips. 

We should get going and look for Cass, you remind yourself.

But you don't want this moment to ever end.

Ben, of course, hearing you trails his digits down your arms, leaving kisses in his wake.

"I agree, we should go, but we will continue this later. I promise," he says sincerely and he pecks on the top of your head as he rises to his feet. You walk over to the lump of clothes and pick them up. Making sure to shake out all the dirt, dust, and twigs from them. "Can I watch you dress," Ben asks. Something is hidden behind his eyes when you look into them. You give him a silent nod and put your garments on slowly. Trying to savor every moment. Your lower belly starts to tingle as you put on underwear, pants, socks, and shoes. You want him to drink you in, to see how your body aches for his touch. How you've always wanted him, how you've always needed him. You stare at the bandage for a long second and look back at Ben. 

Your voice come out as uneasy, "I don't think you want to watch this. It's a little gross." 

"I don't care," Ben says flatly, "I did this to you and I want to help fix it." You tilt your head head to the side as he walks over to the woolen satchel, getting the antimicrobial solution out and some fluffy white gauze and medical tape. "Lay down, please," he says tenderly. You obey and watch him step closer with the medical supplies in hand. "Could you take the bandage off for me?"

"Yes," you respond, "be prepared." It's his turn to give a nod as you reveal the seventy-five percent healed scab. The flesh around it contains leather yellow bubbles, it's still an unpleasant sight to see. You expect him to grimace, maybe even gag in disgust, but he doesn't. Ben just stares. Studying the wound like one of his calligraphy books. He gets down and begins to sterilize the area, it burns, but you hold your breath. Next, the salve that Tulsi had created for you. Now the gauze and medical tape. Ben looks so serious while taking care of you. His steady hands stir up the butterflies inside, making you forget the thought of any pain. You stare into his eyes. His iris' a deep honey gold in the early morning sun. His black eyebrows knitted together in intense concentration. You smile at his beauty as you run a hand through his hair. Ben looks up at you through lashes and gives you a warm smile with his eyes. Once he's done and has removed his hands you grab them with your own and pull his face into a deep, passionate kiss. You loosen your grip on his fists and he pulls back, millimeters away. "Thank you," is all you manage to say.

You both walk for a few hours once you we hear the rush of the ocean waves crashing into the rocky shore. You can't believe you've gone that far since yesterday. The rocky side of the island is almost a three days walk and you had managed to do that in two. You look up to the blue sky, taking a deep breath in when you hear the loud squawking of a buzzard. It flies in circles around an unknown object. Your eyes lock with each other. Fear strangeling your chest and heart. Without any hesitation, you run in the direction of the carnivorous bird. 

Leafs and bushes smack at covered legs. Twigs snap beneath boots, but you don't care. Your only goal is to see the object. Seeing a bright area up ahead. The sun blinds you for a moment, reaching towards the thing the animal is circling. When your eyes adjust you spot a small body covered in a deep scarlet stain, stretching all over their back and pooling onto the rocky sand. Dropping, you let out a shrill whimper, covering your mouth with shaking hands. 

"No," you shout, "no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" Every single word becoming louder than the ones before. 

Ben says something in the distance. 

You cry out as a hollowing pain slams itself into your ribs. It burns far worse than the Lightsaber. Searing— no— killing every ich of your organs as you reach out to the blood-covered Youngling. Pools of tears begin to spill out of your sockets. Her once smooth, soft pink skin is now littered with burns and blaster shots. You turn the battered body on to her back. 

"Cass," you whisper hoarsely. "No. Not you." You take her small digits in your own. It's cold. Almost too cold for the heat that is blaring down on you both. You put her hand to your cheek as the geyser spurts out. Reaching an arm under her knees and back, bringing her flaccid body to you. Smoothing her hair off her blood sticky forehead. "Hey, Sis," you whisper as you rock her back in forth, "why are you all the way out here?" You can feel it. 

Sanity. 

It's breaking in half. You're a seam on a restricting pair of pants ready to burst after years of wear. "Why'd you run like that, huh, Cassie?" You smile down at her like she's a newborn baby. In a way she is. She's your baby sister and nothing can change that. "I know, I know Cass. You're not a baby. I don't need to hold you, but I haven't seen you in so long." You shrug, a smile growing wider. It almost tears your face apart. "I'm so glad I found you," your voice coos. "Now, we can talk things out together like a family. Like when we still lived with our parents. Still remember them?Everything's going to be all right now." 

A hand on your shoulder startles. It's Ben. You smile up at him. 

"I'm so-." You cut him off.

"We found her Ben," you say giddily. "We found her. Everything's going to be good now." Ben looks at you in a confused and shocked, seeing in his pupils he's not happy. "What's wrong, Ben? We found her. She's all right." He tenses up. Not sure about what to do. "What's wrong?" Ben kneels down to your level, running a delicate hand through your strands. 

"She's... she's gone." 

"What are you talking about? She's right here." Your eyebrows furrow together. 

He sighs, exasperated. "She's dead." 

You let out a desperate laugh. 

"No, she's not." 

"Look at her," he orders.

"I don't need to. I already did, she's laying right here on my lap, see?" You don't look down. "We'll take her to Tulsi so that she can fix her up. She'll be feeling better in no time. Then, after that, we can all talk this out."

"You know we can't do that." 

Irritation replaces the hollow feeling inside. 

"Why? Do you want her to go tell Master Luke?" Ben lets out a deep sigh. 

"She won't, and you know that." He pauses for a second, grabbing your chin in the process. "Look at her." 

"No," yoy say back firmly. Barely grasping onto reality. 

Why don't you want to look at her?

The grip on your chin turns tighter and it swishes down so you're face to face with a dead body. And you see her. Really see her. This isn't the Cass you know. Dropping your hands you push away like lighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm suffering from writers block right now... This has never happened before. What do I do? Also, y'all better wish Adam Driver a happy birthday!


	14. What Could've Been

Hot tears burn your dry eyes, threatening to spill over as you carry Cass's lifeless body. You don't think any more can fall out. Your well of sadness is all dried up and replaced air. The bucket goes down hopelessly, finding that nothing is there but rough, dehydrated sand. 

The sun blazes down on all three of you causing a small stench to radiate from your tired arms. You stumble on what feels like a rock and land on all fours as Cass's body flies out of reach. You start to feel it again. The empty well of dispair filling with your dead organs as the bucket floats to the top, bobbing just above the surface of gore. You make a small whimper as your head hangs low. Ben puts a comforting hand on your hunched back, making you realize how pathetic you're acting. Bristling under his touch you stand on your shins, causing his palm to fall as you wipe the puddles from your orbs and sniffle. 

"Let's get going," you say stoically, "acting like a sick animal here is not going to get anything done." You snap up with newfound anger. The dry liquid blows in the wind as smack away the dirt from my pants. 

"Hey," Ben says tenderly. You ignore him and take a few steps over to your sister's deceased body scooping her up. You struggle and nearly drop her again. You let out an angry roar and lift her up to your chest again. You carry her a few paces forward and fall again. This time her head hits a log and her decaying skull breaks open. The pink, fleshy layers of her skin shows through her hair. You flip her body over and caress her green spotted face. You scream a gut-wrenching cry as you see maggots crawl out of her mouth and nostrils. You throw her body away as you feel bile rise in your esophagus and vomit. It goes into your sinuses as tears stream down your cheeks, mixing into the burning acid-spewing from your mouth. Ben's hand is back, this time you don't move, don't get up, just staying hunched over like the weak pathetic girl you are. Ben gestures to Cass, "Here, let me help." 

"Don't touch her," you spit out viciously. He takes tentative steps away and the hand from your back is gone. Your body wants to go to him- fall into his arms and forget this ever happened. 

Rage starts to build up inside- hot boiling animalistic rage. Without thinking you unclip the Lightsaber from your belt, its loud humming filling the air. You bring it down to Cass severing her head from her neck. All the maggots leave her decaying corpse as you bring the Saber back. You slice at her dead corpse over and over again, mutilating her already messed up skin. Internal gasses leak out from her stomach, causing an unbearable smell. You try to slice the pain out of existence, screaming and yelling. You bring your arms back for another burning away of the pain, but strong palms overlap yours, stopping you. Struggling grunts escape as he tries trying to rip my digits free. 

"Let go," you shout. "Let go of me!" You desperately thrash to no avail. Stopping your your frantic movement for a second, enough to get Ben's hands loosen. Blinding hatred and anger fill your sight. 

In one fluid movement, you turn around ready to attack the man who caused all this. 

The same man that made you break all the Jedi Codes. The same man that made you feel nothing else in the galaxy mattered besides him. The same man who you shared a bed with when you could've looked for Cass. He made you break all the moral values that you stood for. He made you forget all the teaching Master Skywalker ingrained into your brain. You bring your Lightsaber sideways and swing it like a bat. Putting all of your hurt into it. Ben's hand outstretches to the Saber and stops it mid-swing. You let out a cry of frustration as you use the Force back against him, but he's too strong. You grit your teeth in concentration as you're footing slips and fly back into Cass's smoking body. Ignoring the sight you run up to him again and instead of a hand, you connect with a bright blue light. Your Sabers clash together with a loud 'kshh'. It's his turn to grunt. Ben's eyes flicker and then back to the screaming Lazer swords between. 

"Stop this nonsense," he says as your feet dig into the ground. You disregard him and listen to the pain. It fuels every hard stomp you take towards him. Ben's Lightsaber inches closer to his chest. 

"You," is all you manage to say before you see a flash of Master Luke before. He seems pained. His hand coming to his head as he stares at the unseen floor. Your eyebrows scrunch as soon as you spot and him he's gone. Ben pushes back at you and stumble, your Lightsabers no longer connected. Your chest heaves with strangled breath as you charge at him again- letting out a feral scream. Suddenly, you're no longer in front of Ben and instead met with a crimson Lightsaber shaped like a 'T'. You stop, pupils growing wide with fear. The being in front cloaked in all black, a mask with silver chrome lines slitting across the face. Only a small sliver of tinted glass is left untouched. You see your reflection in it, looking crazed. Your tight neat hair is thrown askew all over your round face. It sticks to sweaty skin as you stop and stare. 

The silence filled with labored breathing of them through the carbon mask. It sounds almost human, like a man. Your lips part in fear and your head tilts to the side, studying him. You know this man. You drop the Lightsaber and it shuts off. His gloved, leather hand shoots out and you fly back. Your back hits something and it cracks, your head follows as your vision disappears.

Rubbing your head a pain seeming just like a hollow thud. 

You hear a female voice shout, "Wake up!" A small body jump onto your abdominal region and release an 'oof'. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" You look down at the person below. Your mouth drops open and let out a small gasp. 

"Cass," you say. It almost sounds like a question. She bounces on again making you sick. "What are you doing? Where am I?" She laughs plopping down on your stomach. 

"Uh, why are you asking me that? You're the same place you have been for the past few years," her tone sounds like she's talking to a child that asked a stupid question. She slides off. "Come on sleepyhead, you promised we would go to the beach today to watch the sunrise." Everything she says and does seem familiar, like a distant memory from a long time ago, coming back from the darkest recesses of your mind. 

Getting out of bed you take a look around. You're in an old cottage from when you were a new Padawan. You go over to where the mirror is placed and look into it. The braid on the right side of your head, the style that has since been long gone. You gently touch it, feeling the smooth ridges of your solid hair. Cass's shrill voice breaks your concentration. "Are you going to stare at yourself all day or are we going to the beach?"

"The beach," you say absentmindedly and step towards her. You go to the door together and open it for her. Walking for a few minutes in silence, the only sound are footsteps. You peer down at her, wanting to memorize every feature. Her brown hair, her small feet, her small fingers, her small hands. Without hesitating, you reach a out to hers and hold it. She looks up at me for just a second and then goes back to surveying the land in front of her. In a few minutes, you reach the shore and put down a blanket you didn't know you had. Sitting on it and wait for the sunrise. 

This can't be real, she's dead. You don't want to experience this fake world that will never happen again. You want reality, no matter how painful it is. It fills you with a whirlpool of emotions. "Cass," you say peaking at her, "you know you're dead, right?" She looks, smiling like this is the silliest thing she's ever heard. But in her eyes, you can see she knows. 

She knows this is fake too.

"What," she says lightheartedly, "no I'm not. I'm right here," and she begins to laugh. 

"I know this is a dream or memory Cass," you sigh. "Even though I know this isn't real I wish it was. I wish that when I wake up that this could be real, that nothing happened and it was just some hallucination like this is right now." She laughs shaking her head but says nothing more as you watch the orange-yellow sunrise cast you both in its glow.


	15. End of All Things

You regain consciousness but don't dare open your eyes. You bask in the warm, empty feeling that the memory gave when you feel your back sliding across the forest floor. Sticks and dirt make their way inside your clothes and you squirm. The back of your collar is wrapped tightly in someone's hand. You open and see your feet dragging, leaving lines. You look to the left seeing another person with small legs and immediately know who it is. Your heart sinks and the warm feeling leaves. You bring your hand to your forehead, barley holding back tears and let out a deep sigh through your nose and lookup. Ben's dark black hair is wild as you hear him grunt and heave with every pull he makes. You stay there for a while, not letting him know that you're awake when he abruptly drops you as you hit your head. 

"Ow," you say rubbing the back of it. Ben sits down, bringing his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. You stare at him for a few moments, not knowing what to say. How can you even break the silence after what you've done? You mutilated your sister's corpse even more than it already was. "Ben, I- I'm-," you can't even muster up the strength to apologize. You feel so ashamed. This is not how the future of the Jedi should act, but you don't care. You'll be damned if you let the teaching of this sick cult get to your brain anymore. "Ben," you say sharply, "we need to get moving." Your embarrassment and shame are replaced with newfound determination. When he doesn't move you go to stand up and an enormous pressure fills your skull. It sounds like the deep note of a bass and you fall back down, clutching it with your palms. You wonder for a second if Ben is in it again, but this feels different. Not an invasive pain but more of an internal one. He shuffles over and wraps his arms around your body and you both rock gently back and forth. You feel like a baby as he does this. A weak, self-pitying, overdramatic, useless girl who has been brainwashed by a cult that tells you not to love. 

Cass's death is on their hands and you hate them for it. Ben brings his warm hand and brushes a tear away you didn't know you've been shedding. 

"Feel your pain, don't try to hide it. You need to embrace it. Let it be the fuel for the fire of your power," Ben preaches. 

"I can't do that Ben, you know I can't, it's not the Jedi way," you say automatically as if you've been programmed like a droid. 

Maybe you have been?

He tenses against you. 

"Fuck the Jedi." 

You turn, looking at him with wide eyes as you gasp. Suddenly, Ben crashes his lips into yours and darts his tongue in your mouth. For a moment you feel this should end this kiss now, after all, you were mad at him. He was the one who caused all the pain. He was the man who seduced you into believing that you two could do this with no repercussions. 

You begin to push him away with the heels of your hands, but he's too strong. Ben pulls your body flush to his, breasts right up against his strong torso. You feel his chest rise and fall with each breath, it's intoxicating. With no more rational thoughts, your fingers dig in his thick hair and your tongue plunges into his own mouth. They dance with each other as he glides his fingers down your back-- that movement alone makes you shiver with excitement. Ben backs away for a moment, pulling his teeth on your lip and you release a moan as your pupils roll back. His kisses travel down you face, jaw, neck, shoulder, and to the valley between your chest.

"Oh, Ben," you softly breathe out, "I love you." He brings his head up and stares with his deep honey brown eyes. You stay like that for what feels like hours, trying to memorize every single detail of one another. 

"I love you too," he says gently as his face becomes buried in your bosom. "Don't ever leave me, ever." He repeats those words from last night. They bring you back to the moment and you look behind, seeing Cass's body laying there, still. You take your hands out of his hair and crawl towards Cass. 

"We need to get back to the village before she gets any worse." Ben doesn't respond and goes to pick her up. This time you don't stop him. You push off the ground and slowly walk back. 

You stare at the fire engulfing Cass's body-- feeling nothing. All the pain and sorrow has escaped your body leaving with no emotion. It's just a hollow, empty nothing. Ben stands beside you with his robe draped over his face, his expression matches your own. His fist snakes its way over to yours holding it, but you don't grab it back, only managing to wrap a small pinky around his. Every minuscule task takes an extreme amount of effort as you blink slowly. A salty droplet leak out, cascading down your warm cheek. Master Luke stares intensely from across the flames, stroking his beard and looking perplexed. You feel your heart harden underneath his gaze. You scrunch your lips into a snarl. I hate you, your mind roars but nothing comes out. Master Luke drops his fingers from his beard and tilts his chin up. His eyes display an emotion that you can't name, it angers you even more.

He did this. He made Cass die by having these stupid rules, these-- these idiotic moral codes that forbid you from love. They forbid you all from any emotion other than peace. A person cannot be at peace every single moment of the day, you cannot simply let your mind override your emotions, it's impossible! It is impossible and yet, Master Skywalker still stares at with intensity. He knows this is his doing, he knows what Ben and you have, he knows of the love you share. He knows the love of family and forbids it. 

Suddenly, a surge of violence crashes over you as you grab your Lightsaber. Letting go of Ben's hand, you yell and Force jump over the flaming body of your sister, igniting it in the process. You bring your arm up to strike Master Luke but his green Lightsaber clashes with yours. You pull back to swing again, but you're stopped when Voe grabs you. 

"What are you doing," she asks angrily. You wretch your arm out of her hand and bring three fingers up, pushing her into the side of your sister's casket. You turn back to your Master and charge, holding your Lightsaber with two hands and strike at Luke repeatedly, using no technique he blocks with ease. You feel someone slam into your side knocking you on the ground. Your Saber falls out of your fist and shuts off.

Somali.

You stare at her for a moment, not wanting to hurt her but anger courses through your veins. You use the Force to push her off, suspending her in the air and leaving her up. Luke is still standing, his brown cloak flows in the midnight air as his Saber creates a green hue around him. 

"Master," Voe calls out again in a panicked voice as she runs toward you.

"No," Luke reaches his hand out stopping her. "Let her finish this." You glare at him. 

"What angle are you playing Luke Skywalker." You say his name like a curse. 

"No angle my Young Apprentice ." You grab the Lightsaber and run at him again while shrieking. His two digits raise and your feet leave the ground as you fly into the air. Just as soon as you're flying you're falling to the ground with a thud, landing on your knees. You push up and charge again as the same thing happens. People begin to laugh. It becomes louder and louder as it surrounds you. You can't take it. The piercing noise drills holes in your skull. Clutching it you let out a pitiful whimper as a fit of deep anger and shame bubble within. You can't take it anymore. It's all too much. You let go and release all of the anger, shame, and sadness. You feel the ground shake for a moment and everyone goes silent. The only noise is the crackle of the fire burning your sister. You look around and see everyone on the ground, one by one they sit up and rub painful spots on their bodies. You stand, turning to see all the hurt you've caused and cover your gaping mouth, shocked with what has happened as you spot Ben. He seems to be the only one unaffected by this, standing upright with an array of emotions on his face. Wonder, shame, fear, pride, anger, admiration, astonishment, and love. You step closer to him. 

Love. 

After all of this, he still feels love for you. Even when you attacked his Uncle, even when you flung Voe, and even when you used the Force to push everyone down-- to hurt everyone--he still loves you. You feel your ribs crumble as hot tears stream down your face and run to him. You want nothing more than to have his strong arms embrace you-- to see his brown eyes stare down at, but you're stopped. Frozen in place by Master Luke. You have no will to fight as you hear his footsteps approach behind.

"In the name of the Jedi and its past ancestors," his voice grows louder, "in the name of this Jedi Counsel. I banish you for treason against The New Order of Jedi." His words are breathless and ragged but they mean all the same. Your Lightsaber leaves you digits. "You are no longer worthy of this weapon." Luke unfreezes you and you fall again. You don't try to stand. 

"Master Skywalker," you hear Ben shout but he doesn't respond, "Master... Uncle Luke!" Luke continues to ignore him as he walks away. You let out a stifled cry from your chest as you sink lower to the ground. Ben lifts you and you collapse into him, squeezing his cream-colored shirt. He glides a hand over your hair as you wail into him. Your body shakes with each sob. You hear the soft sounds of shoes on grass as everyone walks away to the huts, leaving only you and Ben. 

"I'm sorry," you sob as snot run out of my nose. "I'm so, so sorry." He doesn't say anything, but you know he's listening. "I'm in so much pain, Ben. It hurts so much I can't even describe it. I feel so alone." Ben cups your face with his hands, forcing you to look at him. 

"You are not alone, you never will be." His kind words make a new wave of tears flow, but he wipes them away. 

"I have nowhere to go. I can't go back to Kijimi. I don't even know if my parents are still there, and that place," you pause letting the air fill your lungs, "it's horrible. I don't think I could go back there even if they were." Ben releases your face and pulls it to his chest. 

"You can find my mother, live with her. I'm sure she'll understand." His voice vibrates within him. 

"Ben, you haven't seen her since you were a child. You don't even know what system she's at, let alone the planet." 

"I'll call her. I'll create a communications link with her and you'll be able to live there. And I'll be able to visit you every chance I get." Ben sounds so convincing you almost believe him. 

"Okay," is all you manage to say. You have no energy left to argue. He's just trying to help. "Okay," you repeat, "Establish communications with her as soon as you can. I'll pack my belongings." You let go and gaze into his eyes, they're filled with water. You see tear stains on his cheeks too. "Since when did you start crying," you jokingly ask. Ben expells a shaky breath. 

"Since I found out the only person who loves me is going to be leaving." Your bottom lip trembles.

"I don't want to leave," you say as if those words will change this whole situation. You bring your forehead to him, connecting both. "I love you." Placing a light kiss on his elongated nose. "I love you more than anything in this whole galaxy. No matter what happens from now on, I will find you and when I do I'll never leave you again." With those final words, your lips touch, creating a passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the mid season finale lol. I hope you like it! School is starting to get crazy for me so I'm going to take a little break and work on other stories while I think of how to play out this. I have a mental plot line, but I'd like to have more time to sit and think things over. Let me know how you like it, or if you don't, and how I can make it better. Either way I'd like to hear it! 
> 
> Meanwhile, it'd be awesome for you guys to check out my other stories. Just a warning, those are pretty rough. Sexually that is. See you in 2021!


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